Reminder: American Women Have Until January 20th To Find A Man To Get Them Pregnant Or One Will Be Selected For Them
ATTENTION: American women have until noon on the 20th of January, in the Year of our Lord 2025, to find…
Month: January 2025
šµļøāāļø The Secret History of Ā«Half Life 3Ā»: Microwaves, GTA VI, and Gabeās Struggle With Counting to Three
Our undercover investigation into Valveās most elusive project, Ā«Half Life 3Ā», has finally borne fruit, and the results are nothing…
Strength Training: Myth Vs. Fact
Ā Ā Ā Ā Read MoreThe OnionWith the start of a new year, millions of Americans are honing in on their fitness goals and…
Biden Honors Kamala Harris With Presidential Medal Of Participation
WASHINGTON, D.C. ā In a touching display today, President Biden awarded Vice President Kamala Harris the Presidential Medal of Participation.…
Allstate CEO Explains If Americans Were Nicer, Islamists Wouldn’t Have To Murder Them
U.S. ā Allstate CEO Thomas Wilson explained to viewers across the nation that if Americans would act nicer, Islamic terrorists…
šø Ā« Metallica Stole Our Riffs! Ā» ā The Offspringās Noodles Reveals Shocking Guitar Theft Allegations š¤
When punk rock legends The Offspring and heavy metal titans Metallica shared the stage, it wasnāt just a battle of…
Biden Awards Presidential Medal Of Freedom To Skeletor
WASHINGTON, D.C. ā In a surprise move, President Joe Biden awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Skeletor, longtime archnemesis…
Batman Trades In Batmobile For Cybertruck
GOTHAM CITY ā Batman has officially traded in the Batmobile for a Tesla Cybertruck. Ā Ā Read MoreBabylon Bee
US Army To Add ‘Do You Intend To Carry Out a Massive Terrorist Attack’ To Application Form
U.S. ā In an effort to address recent violence, the United States Army has decided to begin asking applicants if…
Labor Board Classifies āLove Is Blindā Contestants As Employees
Ā Ā Ā Ā Read MoreThe OnionThe National Labor Relations Board issued a complaint against the hit reality show Love Is Blind in which…