Man Allows All Cookies So Website Won’t Be Mad At Him
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Saying he was more than willing to go along with the request to avoid conflict, local internet user…
Month: February 2025
Democrats, Republicans Panic As Trump Brings World To Brink Of Peace
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The reign of terror perpetrated by the Trump administration looked to continue this week, with Democrats and…
Wooden Spoon Only Thing In Man’s Life That Not Giving Him Cancer
Read MoreThe OnionSPARTA, OH—Setting itself apart as a uniquely innocuous object, a wooden spoon is the only thing in local…
Sony Unveils Days Gone Remaster: Now Deacon Is a Non-Binary Queer, and Freakers Demand Social Justice! 🌈🧟♂️
Sony Announces Days Gone Remaster — A WOKE Transformation Where Social Justice Matters More Than Survival! 🌈🧟♂️ In a shocking…
Uh-Oh: Lil X Just Came Up And Asked Government Employee What Exactly He Does Around Here
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panic quickly ensued for federal government employee Jared Walker after Elon Musk’s son Lil X came up…
Dunkin’ Pastries Included In Massive Recall
Read MoreThe OnionThe U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled about 2 million baked goods sold nationwide, including some doughnuts and…
The Bee Ranks: The Top 10 Most Attractive People In Trump’s Cabinet
Read MoreBabylon Bee Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a…
Musk Signals Willingness To Bid More Than $97 Billion To Acquire Respect
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Stressing that he was open to going far higher to close the deal, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced…
Democrats Furious Republicans Trying To Control Government Just Because They Won Election
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have unleashed furious attacks on Republicans for using winning the election as an excuse to try…
Government Retirement Files Ruined After Miners Dig Too Deep And Unearth Balrog
BOYERS, PA — The Iron Mountain Federal Records Center has reportedly lost access to all federal retirement files after miners…