British Prime Minister Announces Prosecution Of King Arthur For Pulling Dangerous Sword From Stone
LONDON — British PM Keir Starmer has announced that he has directed authorities to prosecute the famous King Arthur for…
Month: March 2025
🎬 Marvel Planned to Replace Actors with Chairs in “Avengers: Doomsday,” but Wood Costs Were Too High! 🪑
In the world of the film industry, where something incredible happens every day, Marvel has once again surprised everyone. At…
Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing…
Study Finds Breastfed Children Far Better At Suckling Later In Life
Read MoreThe OnionCAMBRIDGE, MA—In a revelation shedding light on a previously unexamined facet of childhood development, a study published Thursday…
7 Ways You Too Can Achieve Trump’s Perfect Orange Skin Glow
As the leader of the free world, President Donald J. Trump is a role model for all Americans. From his…
Hegseth Kicking Himself For Not Just Getting 13 Soldiers Killed And Giving $80 Billion In Weapons To Terrorists
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With lawmakers calling for Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to resign over leaked Yemen attack plans, Hegseth…
State Farm Now Offering Optional ‘Car Torched By Psychotic Purple-Haired Weirdo’ Coverage
U.S. — State Farm has begun offering optional extra car insurance coverage for protection against customers’ cars being torched by…
‘I Don’t Know Why They Call Me Hot Wheels,’ Thinks Governor Abbott While Launching Off G-Force Burnout Set Launcher Ramp
AUSTIN, TX — As he launched through the air off the G-Force Burnout Set Launcher Ramp, Governor Greg Abbott wondered…
😲 Petition Against Jack Black: Is It Time for Him to Retire in Virtual Reality? 🌌
A true scandal has erupted in the world of movies and video games! 🎬🎮 Internet users, tired of Jack Black’s…
Report: Anti-Science Attitude Strongest Among Those Who Believe Turtle Has Little Apartment Inside Shell
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Highlighting a rising distrust in evidence-based knowledge, a report published Wednesday in the American Journal Of Sociology found…