Trump Surprised How Tall Elton John Is Up Close
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump welcomed a surprise guest to the Oval Office as Elton John, standing a surprising six…
Day: April 2, 2025
Breaking: Cory Booker’s Filibuster Record Broken By Your Wife
U.S. — In a surprising turn of events, Senator Cory Booker’s 25-hour filibuster record that was just set on Tuesday…
Can You Guess What Word British People Use For These Everyday Items?
For people who claim to speak “English,” the Brits sure do talk funny. In fact, you may be surprised to…
U.S. Food Banks Struggle Under Funding Cuts
Read MoreThe OnionThe abrupt cancellation of government funding for programs to help food banks distribute healthy, local food is being…
SeaWorld Visitors Delighted By Live Garbage-Patch Feeding
Read MoreThe OnionSAN DIEGO—With the spellbound audience in the Marine Trash Experience amphitheater shouting and squealing with excitement, SeaWorld visitors…
Nation’s Men Honor Val Kilmer By Quoting ‘Tombstone’ All Day Like Usual
U.S. — A film legend was memorialized today as the nation’s men announced plans to honor Val Kilmer by quoting…
Dems Gather At George Soros’s House To Celebrate Defeating The Billionaires
MADISON, WI — After securing a consequential electoral victory in Wisconsin, Democrats celebrated the grassroots uprising of the common man…
🚨 Journalists Discover a Serious Bug in Doom: The Dark Ages — The Game Might Summon Satan! 🔥
Attention, gamers and adrenaline junkies! 🎮 A new sensation is on the horizon — “Doom: The Dark Ages,” promising not…
DEA Classifies Red Wine As Schedule I Drug To Spite Ex-Wife
Read MoreThe OnionSPRINGFIELD, VA—In a decision meant to crack down on the allegedly dangerous substance and the “total fucking bitch”…
Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Washington Monument Collapses After Someone Pulls Loose Block appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame,…