OMG! 😱 Jeremy Renner, AKA Hawkeye (the Avenger who brings a bow and arrow to a gun fight 🤣), finally revealed why we haven’t been blessed with more of his solo Disney+ series. Prepare yourselves for a tale of woe, penny-pinching, and near-death experiences that would make even Tony Stark roll his eyes from beyond the grave. 🙄
So, apparently, Disney, those generous overlords of our childhood memories and now, our wallets, decided that after one whole season of *Hawkeye*, they’d offer Renner HALF the salary he earned the first time around. I mean, seriously? Half?! Did they think he’d somehow become half the Avenger? Maybe they thought the arrows would only fly half as far? 🤔 Someone needs to check Kevin Feige’s coffee for… uh… *stuff*.
Renner, bless his cotton socks (probably designer, let’s be real), was quoted as saying it would take “twice the amount of work for half the amount of money.” Duh, Sherlock! It’s called basic math, Disney! Are they outsourcing their accounting to Thanos now? 💀 He then dropped the mic with this gem: “Did you think I’m only half the Jeremy because I got run over?” Ouch. Savage. But also… kinda true? I mean, 38 broken bones IS a lot. 🦴🦴🦴 Maybe he should’ve asked for hazard pay, like those guys who clean up after the Hulk gets angry.
He reportedly told the “penny pinchers” at Disney to “go fly a kite.” 🪁 Good for him! Stick it to the man, Hawkeye! Show them who’s boss! (Even though we all know Mickey Mouse is the REAL boss. 🐭 He’s got those dead eyes that see EVERYTHING.) Despite this epic showdown of wills, Renner claims he still “loves the character” and would be happy to return for a second season. Classic Hollywood. Say one thing, mean another. Just like Loki! 😈
Now, let’s address the elephant in the room, or rather, the Snowcat in the snowdrift. ❄️ Remember that time Renner got turned into a human pancake by a snow removal vehicle while saving his nephew? Yeah, good times. Apparently, he believes he DIED during that little mishap. 👻 He saw his whole life flash before his eyes, experienced the timelessness of death, the whole shebang. Sounds like a bad acid trip, but hey, who am I to judge? 🤷♀️
He even had his eye duct-taped back together. Duct tape! The official tool of the Avengers! Move over, Vibranium shield, there’s a new sheriff in town! 🤠 I’m picturing Nick Fury yelling, “Get me some duct tape, STAT! We’ve got an eye to save!”
But fear not, Renner fans! He’s not letting a little near-death experience and a stingy Mouse House keep him down. He’s been busy starring in *Mayor of Kingstown* (because, you know, being an Avenger isn’t enough) and is even joining the *Knives Out* franchise. Good for him. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to start a petition for a Hawkeye/Daredevil crossover. Blind justice and questionable archery skills? Comedy gold! 🥇
So, what’s the moral of the story? Disney is cheap, Jeremy Renner is a badass, and duct tape can fix anything. And *Hawkeye* season one is streaming on Disney+, if you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s not *WandaVision*, but hey, at least it has a dog. 🐕🦺
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
