OMG! 😱 Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, those dinosaurs 🦖 of rock, actually shared a stage again! I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Who cares?” But hold on, before you go back to your TikTok dances, let’s unpack this geriatric reunion at some bougie private concert in San Francisco. Apparently, it was for Janie’s Fund, Tyler’s noble attempt to make himself look good by helping girls who’ve had a rough time. You know, because nothing says “I care” like a bunch of out-of-touch millionaires playing the same five songs they’ve been flogging for half a century. 🙄
And who else was there? Oh, just a bunch of has-beens and never-weres trying to leech off Aerosmith’s fading glory. We had Chris Robinson from The Black Crowes, still trying to convince us he’s not just a poor man’s Robert Plant. Robin Zander from Cheap Trick, bless his heart, still rocking that same haircut he’s had since the Carter administration. Then there’s Matt Sorum, ex-Guns N’ Roses drummer, probably wondering where his royalty checks are. Nuno Bettencourt from Extreme, shredding away like it’s still 1991. James LoMenzo, who apparently played bass for Megadeth at some point (who even remembers?!). And last but definitely least, Theofilos Xenidis, aka Phil X from Bon Jovi, proving that even *he* can get a gig these days. 🤣
Seriously, it’s like they raided the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s basement and dragged out anyone who could still hold an instrument (sort of). Fan-filmed video? Oh joy! Get ready for shaky camera work, out-of-sync audio, and enough pixelation to make your eyes bleed. But hey, at least you can see Steven Tyler’s face looking like a leather handbag that’s been left out in the sun. 🌞
The setlist? Groundbreaking stuff, guys. 🙄 Robin Zander did his best karaoke impression with a bunch of Cheap Trick hits. Chris Robinson wailed through some Black Crowes classics, probably wishing he was still married to Kate Hudson. And then, the moment we’ve all been NOT waiting for, Tyler and Perry lumbered onto the stage to butcher their own songs. “Toys In The Attic,” “Same Old Song And Dance,” “Sweet Emotion,” “Dream On,” “Walk This Way” – you know, the usual suspects. Bet they even dusted off the old scarves and microphone stands for maximum nostalgia points. 🤮
And of course, because no washed-up rock concert is complete without it, they ended with an encore featuring *all* the singers. Yes, you heard that right. A cacophony of aging voices belting out “Train Kept A Rollin'” and “Come Together.” I’m sure it was a beautiful trainwreck. 🚂💥
Let’s not forget that Aerosmith officially retired from touring because Steven Tyler’s voice is apparently made of glass and shattered during a show. He fractured his larynx, which sounds about as pleasant as stubbing your toe on a Lego brick. The band released a statement saying that a full recovery wasn’t possible, and they were heartbroken to retire. Yeah, right. Heartbroken all the way to the bank. 💰💰💰
They thanked their “Blue Army” (whoever they are) and said their music had become part of our lives. I’m pretty sure my life would be just fine without ever hearing “Walk This Way” again, but thanks for the offer. The “Peace Out” tour, which was supposed to be their grand farewell, ended after like, three shows. What a shocker. 🙄
But hey, at least Steven Tyler released a solo album in 2016. I’m sure it was a smash hit… in his own bathroom. 🚽
Seriously though, who is still paying to see these guys? Is it just nostalgia? Some kind of weird boomer fetish? Whatever it is, I’m sure Janie’s Fund appreciates the money. But let’s be honest, this whole thing just feels like a desperate attempt to stay relevant. Maybe they should just embrace their age and start selling Depends commercials. At least it would be honest. 😂
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
