OMG, Ravensburger is STILL trying to make *Lorcana* happen? 🤣 You’d think after two whole years of overpriced cardboard and questionable design choices, they’d just give up and go back to making puzzles. But nooooo, they’re doubling down with even MORE sets, rarities, and organized play shenanigans! Buckle up, buttercups, because the cringe train is leaving the station! 🚂💨
So, apparently, *Disney Lorcana*’s 8th set, *Reign of Jafar*, is about to drop. Because, you know, we haven’t had enough Aladdin-themed garbage yet. 🙄 Jafar’s got a Hexwell Crown now, because Ursula wasn’t enough of a Mary Sue villain for ya? They’re literally recycling plot points like Disney recycles animated movies into “live-action” remakes. ♻️
And get this: Bambi’s making an appearance! Because nothing says “intense TCG strategy” like a baby deer getting PTSD from Jafar’s evil hourglass sand. 🦌⏳ Minnie Mouse and Lady are also getting the Jafar sand treatment. Is this some kind of weird fetish thing? 🤔
But wait, there’s more! A new Illumineer’s Quest called *Palace Heist*! Because apparently, we didn’t learn our lesson from *Deep Trouble*. This time, you get a *game board*! Oooooh, fancy! And the packaging doubles as a storage box! Because Ravensburger knows you’re gonna need somewhere to store all that buyer’s remorse. 📦😭
Next up, *Fabled*, the “anniversary” set. Translation: a desperate attempt to keep the game alive by reprinting popular cards. ♻️ Winnie the Pooh, Stitch, and Tinker Bell are back! Groundbreaking! They are also adding Goofy Movie cards…yep, really scraping the bottom of the barrel there. 🛢️🗑️
But here’s the real kicker: SET ROTATION! 🎉🥳 Finally, Ravensburger is admitting that the game is bloated and nobody can keep up with all the cards. So, they’re just gonna delete the old ones from competitive play! It’s like Thanos snapped his fingers and half your collection disappeared! 🫰✨ (Except, you know, you still paid for it. 🤡)
But don’t worry, new players! *Fabled* is a “great place to hop onboard!” Because nothing says “welcoming” like telling you that all the cards you bought before are now worthless. 🫂💸
And to make matters worse, they’re adding TWO new rarities: Epic and Iconic! Because apparently, Enchanted cards weren’t rare enough. 🙄 Epic cards have “open air” frames and rainbow foil! ✨🌈 Iconic cards have full-sized alternate artwork and 3D hot stamp effects! 🔥💯 Because nothing says “good game design” like power creep and artificial scarcity! 💸💸💸
Oh, and did I mention the *Disney Lorcana* TCG World Championship? Exclusively for “players and VIPs”! Because the only thing worse than a pay-to-win TCG is an exclusive pay-to-win TCG. 👑💰
But hey, at least they’re making a “Ravensburger Play Hub program”! So stores can “track metrics” and players can “find local events”! Because nothing brings a community together like corporate surveillance and data mining! 👁️🗨️📊
And for all you poor souls who are still thinking about getting into this mess, there’s a *Disney Lorcana* Collection Starter Set! With 4 *Fabled* booster packs, a card portfolio, and a “glimmer foil” Tinker Bell promo card! Because nothing says “good value” like overpriced garbage bundled together! 🎁🗑️
Finally, they teased set 10: *Whispers in the Well*! Oooooh, spooky! 👻 Looks like they’re running out of ideas and just throwing darts at a board of Disney IP. And in 2026, *Darkwing Duck* is coming! Let’s get dangerous…ly broke! 🦆💸
So, there you have it, folks! *Disney Lorcana* is still kicking (and screaming) in 2025! Will it survive? Probably not. But hey, at least Ravensburger is making bank off your nostalgia and gambling addiction! 😉🤑
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
