In a recent chat with some dude named Kyle Meredith (who?), Gene Simmons, the self-proclaimed God of Thunder (more like God of Blunder, amirite? 🤣), graced us with his infinite wisdom about KISS’s upcoming “appearance” at Virgin Hotels Las Vegas for the “KISS Army Storms Vegas” event. Yes, because Vegas needs *more* chaos. This three-day extravaganza of delusion runs from November 14 to 16. Prepare yourselves. Or don’t. It’s your life.
“KISS Army Storms Vegas” is apparently celebrating the KISS fan club’s 50th anniversary. Fifty years of *this*? 🤯 I guess there’s no accounting for taste. It’s also supposedly the band’s first appearance since Simmons, Paul Stanley (the Starchild who can barely hit a note anymore 🎶), Tommy Thayer (the guy who pretends to be Ace Frehley but isn’t 🤡), and Eric Singer (the cat who replaced Peter Criss, like anyone cares 🙄) wrapped up their “End Of The Road” farewell tour at Madison Square Garden in December 2023. “End of the Road”? More like “Endless Road of Cashing In,” amirite?
Simmons, in his infinite (and often irritating) verbosity, told Meredith (as transcribed by some poor soul at BLABBERMOUTH.NET): “The fans are putting it on. The Kiss Army, in November, is a gathering of the tribes. They’re gonna take over the Virgin Hotel.” Oh no, not the Virgin Hotel! What will they do? Spill beer on the carpets? 🤮
“We promised we’re not gonna go back out on tour, and we’re not,” he continued. “We’ll jump up and do some tunes. There’ll be friends, guests dropping in, question-and-answer [sessions] — just be close with the fans, because, clearly, without them I’d be asking the next person in line, ‘Would you like some fries with that?'” Translation: We’ll do anything for money, even pretend to care about our fans. Fries, anyone? 🍟
When Meredith (bless his heart) asked if there was “significance” in Gene and his KISS cohorts performing “unmasked” at the event, Simmons pontificated: “No. I mean, we toured during the ’90s from about… I’m trying to think of it… When we unmasked, it must have been actually in the ’80s, so we had a few records out, as members tended to change within the band. Ace [Frehley, original KISS guitarist] and Peter [Criss, original KISS drummer] were in and out of the band three different times, if you can believe that. No other band would give anybody that many chances — nor does life, by the way. So, Ace and Peter, bless ’em, have been in and out of the band three times, and as we got new members, we thought, ‘Well, why don’t we take the makeup off?’ And in retrospect, it didn’t matter. People wanted the makeup and those songs. And you’re always too close to something and you think, ‘Well, these are the rules.’ But you formed a band *not* to have rules. So we toured successfully and had platinum records and all that stuff without makeup. As a matter of fact, I remember when Ozzy [Osbourne] wasn’t in [BLACK] SABBATH, we headlined a stadium in Buenos Aires, I think, and opening was SABBATH, and then lots of other bands whose names you’d recognize. But this was without makeup. So it’s been a… There was a song — I don’t remember — it was Paul Simon. What a what a crazy journey this has been. Unbelievable. 50 years where I got to wear more makeup and high heels than your mommy did.” So, in short, no significance. Just more rambling from the Demon himself. 👹
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
