OMG! 😱 Sharon Den Adel, the elven empress of symphonic cheese, just dropped a BOMBSHELL! 💣 Apparently, WITHIN TEMPTATION, those purveyors of exquisitely over-the-top metal anthems, are thinking about *gasp* writing NEW music! 🎶 Hold onto your corsets, folks, because this could be the most earth-shattering event since… well, since their last album. 🙄
In a riveting exposé with Ukrainian metal guru Vladyslav Stadnyk (aka Metal Pilgrim – because apparently “Metal Tourist” was already taken 😂), Sharon hinted that they’re “starting writing again.” Yeah, because world peace and solving global warming are SO last year. Apparently, there’s “enough to write about.” Like, maybe the existential dread of running out of hairspray? 🤔 She also casually mentioned they’re gonna “take their time,” because rushing art is, like, totally uncool, man. ✌️ But the REAL kicker? Brace yourselves… it’s gonna be a “new sound again”! 😲 Translation: expect even MORE synths, even MORE soaring vocals, and even MORE opportunities to question your life choices. Because who needs subtlety when you can have a full-blown orchestral assault on your eardrums? 🤷♀️
Metal Pilgrim, bless his cotton socks, dared to ask if they’d be tackling similar lyrical themes to their last album, which, if you recall, was basically a musical lecture on current events. 🌍 Sharon, ever the diplomat, responded with a masterclass in vague pronouncements. She thinks they’ve “always done that also before,” but, like, maybe they were just being, you know, *metaphorical*. 🦄 It’s “hard to go back again,” she mused, probably while sipping chamomile tea and contemplating the complexities of the human condition. 🍵 So, yeah, probably there will be a lot still in there. In there where? In the album? In her soul? In the void? The suspense is killing us! 💀
Back in February, Sharon graced the “Everblack” podcast with her presence, where she pontificated on WITHIN TEMPTATION’s “constant musical evolution.” 🐛➡️🦋 Translation: they’re desperately trying not to become a parody of themselves. The “fire hasn’t died,” she proclaimed, which is reassuring, because a band without fire is like a dragon without scales – utterly pathetic. 🔥 She claims they’re inspired to “try new things,” because doing the same thing over and over is for, like, *losers*. 👎 However, she also admitted to admiring people who can perfect their style, which is basically a backhanded compliment to every other band on the planet. 👏 “We always wanna do something new again,” she declared, which probably means they’re gonna add a dubstep breakdown or something equally horrifying. 🤡
In December 2023, Sharon was interrogated by Mexico’s Summa Inferno about the importance of voicing their political views. Because, you know, what the world REALLY needs is another rock band weighing in on geopolitical issues. 🙄 She launched into a lengthy monologue about musicians being “storytellers,” comparing herself to a medieval bard spreading news from castle to castle. 🏰 Yeah, because playing a sold-out stadium show is EXACTLY the same as wandering the countryside with a lute and a bad haircut. 🤦♀️ She then proceeded to explain how the internet makes news “old news very fast,” which is why we need WITHIN TEMPTATION to remind us about Ukraine and Iran. Because, let’s be honest, who actually reads the news anymore? 📰 We’re all just waiting for Sharon Den Adel to drop some knowledge bombs in between power ballads. 🎤
Sharon then waxed lyrical about Mahsa Amini, because apparently, virtue signaling is the new black. ⚫ She emphasized the importance of talking about these topics, lest they become “old news.” Because, you know, a kickass guitar solo can totally solve international conflicts. 🎸 She also mentioned that they could have written about South America, but, alas, Ukraine and Iran were just *so* much more inspiring at the time. 🤷♀️ Priorities, people! 🥇
Finally, the interviewer dared to ask if Sharon was afraid of backlash. 😂 As if! Sharon, queen of the iron throne, scoffed at the mere suggestion. She believes in “democracy,” and apparently, that means everyone is obligated to listen to her opinions on everything. 🗣️ She hopes to “bring other people to new ideas,” because, you know, she’s basically the Socrates of symphonic metal. 🏛️ She’s not afraid of feeling attacked, because, well, she’s Sharon Den Adel, and who would dare to attack Sharon Den Adel? 👑 She concluded by declaring that we should all support those who are “oppressed,” which is a noble sentiment, but let’s be real, the only thing being oppressed here is our sanity. 🤪
So, there you have it, folks. WITHIN TEMPTATION is working on new music, and it’s gonna be groundbreaking, earth-shattering, and possibly career-ending. 💥 Get ready for another onslaught of symphonic metal goodness (or badness, depending on your tolerance for excessive melodrama). 😈 And remember, when the world gets too heavy, just crank up the volume and let Sharon Den Adel tell you how to feel. 🎧 Because that’s what rock ‘n’ roll is all about, right? 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
