Bumblefoot, the guy who played guitar in Guns N’ Roses for, like, five minutes, is now telling us all about the healing power of music. 🙄 Yeah, because shredding solos totally cures cancer and solves world hunger. I bet he also thinks pineapple belongs on pizza. 🍍🍕 The profound wisdom coming from this dude is truly earth-shattering. I mean, who knew music could be, like, a *thing*?
In a groundbreaking interview with *The Music Heals* (which, let’s be honest, probably has fewer listeners than my grandma’s polka band), Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal (yes, that’s his *real* name, I’m not making this up) spouted some nonsense about music being all rainbows and unicorns 🌈🦄. Asked how music helped him through tough times, he said (and I’m paraphrasing because I can’t be bothered to transcribe BLABBERMOUTH.NET’s word-for-word vomit): “Music is, like, a thing that, like, makes you feel good when you’re sad, man. It’s an outlet. It’s, like, totally positive. And other people feel it too, man. It’s like, a big thing.” 🤯
Oh, Bumblefoot, you eloquent genius. You truly capture the essence of human emotion with your profound insights. I’m sure Shakespeare is rolling in his grave, jealous of your masterful command of the English language. 🪦
Regarding music uniting people, Bumblefoot said: “Music is totally the most universal language. Even people who hate each other will hug at concerts. It’s, like, magic!” ✨
Yeah, right. I’m pretty sure if you put a bunch of MAGA hat-wearing dudes and Antifa protesters in the same room with Nickelback playing, they’d still try to kill each other. 🔪 Music can’t fix stupid.
“I did a lot of work with embassies,” Bumblefoot continued, “and they said music does what politics can’t. It brings people together! I’ve even crowd surfed on people who normally wouldn’t be loving!”
Okay, first of all, I highly doubt Bumblefoot is on speed dial with the State Department. Second, I’m picturing a bunch of confused diplomats awkwardly holding up a middle-aged dude with a goofy nickname. 🤣 And third, maybe those people weren’t “loving” because they were trying to avoid getting kicked in the face by your ridiculously oversized shoes. 👞👞
“Music takes away all the social bullshit,” Bumblefoot declared. “We are just a bunch of souls! Yeah! That’s what music does!”
Right, because when I go to a concert, I totally forget about my student loan debt, my dead-end job, and the fact that my ex-girlfriend is dating a guy who looks like Thor. 🙄 Thanks, Bumblefoot, for curing my existential dread with your power chords. 🎸
Bumblefoot’s latest album, *Bumblefoot…Returns!* (because the world was just clamoring for more Bumblefoot), came out on January 24, 2025. That’s right, he’s so cutting edge he’s releasing albums in the future! 🚀 It only took him 30 years to come up with another solo album. Clearly, the creative juices are flowing. 💧
The album features collaborations with Brian May, Steve Vai, Guthrie Govan, Derek Sherinian, Jerry Gaskill, and others. Translation: Bumblefoot called in every favor he had to get some actual talent on his album. 📞 Desperate much?
Bumblefoot joined Guns N’ Roses in 2006 and appeared on *Chinese Democracy*, which took 13 years to make and sold about half a million copies. So, basically, he was part of the band during their “washed up” phase. 🗑️ Nice.
He never officially announced his departure from GN’R, but a source confirmed he’d been out since 2014. Probably because Axl Rose forgot he was even in the band. 🤷♂️
Bumblefoot then focused on his solo career and other projects. Because everyone was just dying to hear more Bumblefoot. 💀
He spent a few years with Sons of Apollo, which released *MMXX* (pronounced 20/20) in 2020. Yeah, I’ve never heard of them either. 🤷♀️
Bumblefoot is also in Art of Anarchy, which released *Let There Be Anarchy* in 2024. I’m guessing their music is about as anarchic as a tea party. ☕
In conclusion, Bumblefoot is a guitar player who once played in a famous band and now thinks he’s a guru. Namaste, dude. 🙏 Now go back to playing your weird-shaped guitar and leave the profound philosophical insights to people who actually have something to say. 🤐
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
