OMG! 🚨 Poot from “The Wire” (yeah, that’s all he’s ever done) claims a tornado demolished his house in Georgia! 🌪️ And get this, his 18-year-old son did a real-life yeet, flying 300 feet out of his room! 🤣 Did he at least stick the landing? Asking for a friend. 🤸♂️
“This s–t ain’t no movie,” says Tray Chaney, aka Malik “Poot” Carr, in an Instagram video. 🙄 Yeah, because standing in front of your “crumpled wreckage” for clout is *totally* not performative. 🎬 Someone get this man an Oscar for “Most Dramatic Tornado Victim.” 🎭
Chaney claims he was knocked unconscious. 😴 Right, because tornadoes always target the most dramatic people. 🎯 He woke up “with my face in the mud and parts of my house on top of me.” 🐷 Mud facial, darling? 💅 Maybe he should try exfoliating next time. 🧖♀️
(Insert pic of Chaney and his son looking all sad) Awww, look at them! 🥺 Bet they wish they had a better insurance policy, am I right? 💸 Or maybe they should have invested in a tornado shelter instead of that “acting career.” 🤷♂️ Just sayin’.
“I woke up in a panic … screaming my son’s name out,” he said. 🗣️ Like we didn’t see that coming. 🙄 “MALACHIIIIIIIIII!” 🗣️ (echo effect). Someone get this man a megaphone! 📢
“My son was thrown 300 feet out of his room,” he whines, detailing how neighbors helped him find the teen in “the woods behind my house.” 🌳 So, basically, a real-life game of “Where’s Waldo?” but with a teenager and a whole lotta trauma. 🚑
“I lost my house, I lost everything in it,” the actor cries. 😭 Oh no! Anyway… ☕
“Thank god I’m still living. I survived a tornado. And my son, he survived,” he said. 🙏 So dramatic! 🙄 Maybe they should thank a structural engineer for not building a house made of straw. 🏠💨
“Malachi is in this hospital fighting and me and my wife have not and will not leave his side,” he wrote. 👨👩👦 Good for them! 👍 Maybe they can live in the hospital gift shop. 🎁
The actor says he experienced vomiting and now has a “big knot” on his head from the storm’s impact. 🤕 Sounds like a wild Thursday night. 🍻 Maybe lay off the Natty Ice next time, buddy. 🧊
(Insert another dramatic pic of Chaney looking all forlorn) 🥺 Thoughts and prayers! 🙏 (Translation: I’m posting this so I look like a good person, but I’m secretly laughing). 😂
The Chaney family has since received an outpouring of support from friends and fans on social media. 💖 Translation: People are liking and sharing because they feel obligated, not because they actually care. 🤷♀️
The National Weather Service is investigating the tornado’s path. 🗺️ Bet they’re gonna find a whole lotta debris and shattered dreams. 💔 Maybe they should investigate Chaney’s acting career next. 🕵️♂️ Just a thought. 💭
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
