Oh, look, another indie game trying to be all quirky and different.🙄Mouse: P.I. For Hire—or as I like to call it, “Budget Cuphead with Guns🔫”—apparently caught someone’s eye. I mean, who wouldn’t be intrigued by yet another game that mashes 2D characters into 3D environments? It’s not like we’ve seen that a million times before, right? *cough* Demon Turf, Ruff and the Riverside *cough* Yeah, totally groundbreaking stuff.
So, Summer Game Fest happened, and instead of, you know, actually playing the game, CGM got some “first-look footage.” Translation: they watched a trailer like the rest of us peasants. But hey, at least they’re pretending it’s some exclusive sneak peek. 🤫 Apparently, this “simple shooter” has “transformed into something wildly creative and seriously inventive.” I’ll believe it when I see it, buddy.
The demo they “saw” (aka watched on YouTube) features Jack Pepper—yes, that’s the most original name they could come up with—voiced by Troy Baker, because every game needs a celebrity voice actor to distract you from the mediocre gameplay. Jack’s on a mission to stop a mayoral candidate from getting capped at an Opera House. Riveting. 🎭
What’s truly mind-blowing is that this game might have…wait for it…Immersive Sim elements! 🤯 You can either bribe a waiter (because that’s totally not a tired trope) or sneak through the vents (innovative!). And get this: Jack takes a photo of “suspicious happenings”! It’s like they’re trying to reinvent the wheel, but the wheel is actually a square. 🔲
Combat is “tight and exciting,” because that’s what every game developer claims. You’ll be shooting dudes in tight spaces, using explosive barrels for “strategic advantage.” Groundbreaking! It’s like every other shooter ever made, but with a rubber hose filter.
But let’s be real, the only thing this game has going for it is the “incredible aesthetic.” It’s like they took an old cartoon and slapped it into a Unity engine. Sure, it looks kinda neat, but it’s not exactly pushing any boundaries. The weapons bounce around like they’re made of rubber, and the enemy deaths are “slapstick and gory.” So, basically, it’s Itchy and Scratchy, but interactive. 🐭💥🐱
And the “creativity” of the weapons? Oh, don’t even get me started. The Turpentine Gun! A weapon that dissolves paint! 😂 How utterly whimsical and not at all a lazy reskin of a standard acid gun. It’s these “little details” that have people “anticipating” the game. Or, you know, rolling their eyes.🙄
In conclusion, Mouse: P.I. For Hire is a “solid reminder that even games that are simple in genre can be made all the more transformative by an inventive premise.” Translation: it’s another indie game trying to be different, but probably failing miserably. But hey, at least it’s not another soulless AAA title, right? 🤡 Indie games are the future, or at least that’s what we keep telling ourselves while we wait for the next Grand Theft Auto.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
