‘Jurassic World Rebirth’: Dinosaurs Did WHAT Now?!

Opening in theaters on July 2nd is 🦖‘Jurassic World Rebirth’, the latest in the long-running dinosaur franchise that originated with 1993 classic ‘Jurassic Park’. Because apparently, we haven’t had enough of dinos eating people and screaming scientists. 🤷‍♂️

Directed by Gareth Edwards (‘The Creator’), the new movie stars Scarlett Johansson (‘Avengers: Endgame’) – because who else would you call when dinosaurs need dealing with? Jonathan Bailey (‘Wicked’), Rupert Friend (‘The Phoenician Scheme’), Mahershala Ali (‘Green Book’), Manuel Garcia-Rulfo (‘The Lincoln Lawyer’) and Ed Skrein (‘Deadpool’). Basically, a bunch of talented people who probably regret signing on the dotted line. ✍️

Initial Thoughts

The latest entry in the ‘Jurassic World’ franchise –– all birthed, of course, from the DNA of Michael Crichton’s 1990 novel ‘Jurassic Park’ and the all-time classic movie Steven Spielberg made from it –– arrives with plenty of promise. Or at least, that’s what they want you to think. 🤡

You have director Gareth Edwards, who has shown an ability to bring humanity to big-scale movies (even if his box office results don’t always align), and original ‘Park’ screenwriter David Koepp back unleashing the dino chaos from the page. Because who needs new ideas when you can recycle old ones? ♻️

Loaded with references to how the world at large is generally over reconstituted dinosaurs coexisting (and that the creatures themselves are dying in our modern climate), it’s a meta meditation on how the movie franchise itself has evolved (not to mention the various attempts to bring giant creatures to the screen in other monsterverses) and every new effort needs to up the wow factor. Or, you know, just more CGI dinosaurs. 🤷‍♀️

Script and Direction

If you weren’t aware that David Koepp wrote the script for ‘Jurassic World Rebirth’, the initial chunk of the screenplay might make you wonder whether it was someone else who had fed Koepp’s previous work into Chat GPT and asked it to replicate that, while throwing in some truly egregious movie cliches. Because originality is SO overrated. 🙄

Following a relatively effective opening sequence which (briefly) introduces the new big bad dinosaur, we’re treated to expository title cards explaining how the public’s interest in the giant beasties has waned, and how they’re slowly dying out aside from in certain areas near the equator, which have become strict quarantine areas. In other words, dinosaurs are becoming the new pigeons. 🐦

Then, the same information is repeated in a news broadcast, and at least one of the main characters says something similar. You’re beaten over the head with the details in such an inorganic fashion that you wonder if it was added in as studio executives panicked that we as an audience might not get it. Because apparently, we’re all idiots. 🤦‍♂️

Likewise, the vast majority of the characters beyond a couple of leading figures are less one-note, more half-note, and at least two might as well have “dinosaur snack” written on their foreheads in place of personalities. Yes, that’s par for the course in a ‘Jurassic’ outing, but it’s all so poorly laid out here. Because why bother with character development when you can have more dino action? 🦖💥

Gareth Edwards knows his way around an action sequence, and he’s certainly shot some lush locations here, bringing agreeably crunchy reality to moments. Some of the set pieces, such as an early Mosasaur encounter and one with giant flying Quetzalcoatlus creatures are well-realized, as is the amusing initial appearance of a toothy franchise stalwart. Because explosions and CGI are always a good distraction from a terrible plot. 🔥

But some moments are so clearly and painfully ripped off from the original ‘Jurassic Park’ you can almost hear that movie calling this one to demand its toys back. The initial glimpse of the Titanosaurus echoes the Brachiosaurus reveal from the first film, while the human characters trying to evade becoming dino food in a convenience store is essentially that movie’s raptor kitchen scene. In this case, Easter eggs feel like less like fan service and more a lack of original thinking. Plagiarism, anyone? 🕵️‍♂️

Cast and Performances

Scarlett Johansson’s “security and extraction expert” Zora Bennett is at least a more interesting character than some of the ‘World’ movies’ equivalents, and she certainly brings an entertainingly glib style to her initial scenes. But even Johansson can’t rescue a character burdened by first-draft personal pain, and she’s ultimately less successful than she might have been. Even Black Widow can’t save this disaster. 🕷️

Rupert Friend is Martin Krebs, who represents the company looking to profit from the medical material that the team has been sent to retrieve. Friend does what he can with the role, but he’s mostly just a hissable antagonist from word one. Because every movie needs a bad guy, even if he’s as generic as they come. 😈

Jonathan Bailey plays paleontologist expert Dr. Henry Loomis, recruited to help on the mission, who blossoms into a more active character in the Jeff Goldblum mold. Still, as with everyone else, he’s limited by the script. Because even the best actors can’t make chicken salad out of chicken… you know. 💩

Likewise Mahershala Ali, a man with two Oscars on his mantle at home, who puts all he can into ship captain and all-round fixer Duncan Kincaid. He has some good moments, but the character is lost among a wash of others. Because apparently, having talent doesn’t guarantee a good role. 🤷

Prime among them is ‘The Lincoln Lawyer’s Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, playing Reuben Delgado, a father to two daughters who is sailing with them near the dangerous waters, and whose boat is attacked by Mosasaurs. Garcia-Rulfo is typically good in the role, but even he’s saddled with cliché and convenience, such as one of his kids bringing an annoying, lazy boyfriend along on the trip and an injured leg from the early dino attack that mysteriously heals itself later in the movie. Plot contrivances, ahoy! 🚢

Final Thoughts

While some sequences and Edwards’ commitment to tactile, real-world locations and some practical effects among the digital soup offer minor pleasures, the hulking weight of a cliché-ridden script and dino action that doesn’t so much as reference what’s gone before but rips it off wholesale, the new ‘Jurassic’ entry is miss. Because sometimes, even dinosaurs can’t save a bad movie. 🦖📉

This ‘Rebirth’ turns out to be largely a ‘saur disappointment. 🦖😭