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Day: July 2, 2025

DHS and FBI Warn of Impending Doom (aka July 4th Fireworks) by Lone Wolves
Elephant Reads CNN

DHS and FBI Warn of Impending Doom (aka July 4th Fireworks) by Lone Wolves

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Looks like the Deep State is at it again, folks! The FBI and DHS are issuing warnings about July 4th…

Jon Watts’ Epic Reason for Ditching ‘Fantastic Bore’ Project Revealed
Breaking, Movie News

Jon Watts’ Epic Reason for Ditching ‘Fantastic Bore’ Project Revealed

FinnJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

OMG! 😱 Jon Watts FINALLY spilled the tea ☕ on why he bailed on directing *Fantastic Four: First Steps*. Turns…

GOP to Medicaid: Drop Dead, Losers
Elephant Reads CNN

GOP to Medicaid: Drop Dead, Losers

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Oh, the liberal media is at it again, folks! CNN is crying about potential Medicaid cuts like it’s the end…

The Bear Gets Another Season: Disney+ Milking It For All It’s Worth
Breaking, Movie News

The Bear Gets Another Season: Disney+ Milking It For All It’s Worth

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Oh, sweet baby Carmy! 🐻🔪 FX just HAD to announce that The Bear is getting a fifth season. Like we…

Microsoft to Fire 9,000 Employees: Is This the End of Windows 95?
Elephant Reads CNN

Microsoft to Fire 9,000 Employees: Is This the End of Windows 95?

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Folks, can you believe this? Microsoft, that bastion of woke capital, is laying off THOUSANDS! Probably because they’re too busy…

FDA Recalls 3 Oranges To Prove They Can Juggle
The Onion

FDA Recalls 3 Oranges To Prove They Can Juggle

FinnJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionSILVER SPRING, MD—Issuing a public warning for Americans to watch or they might miss out, the U.S. Food…

Elon Musk’s New Political Party: Because Rocket Science Wasn’t Hard Enough
Elephant Reads CNN

Elon Musk’s New Political Party: Because Rocket Science Wasn’t Hard Enough

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Elon Musk, the left’s shiny new toy, is threatening to start his own “America party” because he’s “disappointed” in our…

Denis Villeneuve Directing Bond? More Like Bore-is Villeneuve
Breaking, Movie News

Denis Villeneuve Directing Bond? More Like Bore-is Villeneuve

FinnJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

OMG! 😱 Denis Villeneuve, the guy who made sand look interesting for 3 hours, is directing the new James Bond…

Oasis Milks (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? for 30th Anniversary Cash Grab
Breaking, Music News

Oasis Milks (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? for 30th Anniversary Cash Grab

Chord F. DiscordJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Oasis, those purveyors of slightly-above-average Britpop, have announced details of deluxe formats of (What’s The Story) Morning Glory? to celebrate the album…

Bryan Kohberger’s Plea Deal: Will the Judge Let Him Off Easy or Will Justice Actually Be Served | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Bryan Kohberger’s Plea Deal: Will the Judge Let Him Off Easy or Will Justice Actually Be Served | CNN

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Another day, another example of the radical left’s agenda to undermine justice and appease criminals! CNN is reporting that a…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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