Philly’s Looking Trashy: Drone Footage Captures Epic Garbage Mountains After One Week of Strike
Folks, you won’t BELIEVE what’s happening in the City of Brotherly Love! Looks like those lazy, socialist union workers in…
Day: July 9, 2025
WE CAME AS ROMANS Announce ‘All Is Beautiful… Because We’re Doomed’ Album, Probably Still Doomed Though, Share ‘Culture Wound’ Single (Prepare for More Wounds)
OMG 😱, the metalcore overlords, WE CAME AS ROMANS, are gracing us with their presence AGAIN! Their new album, dramatically…
Elon Musk Weeps, For There Are No More Women To Impregnate
    Read MoreThe OnionAUSTIN, TX—Realizing that every uterus had already been conquered, Tesla CEO Elon Musk reportedly wept Wednesday, for there…
70000 TONS OF METAL Cruise Dumps Crappy Island, Reveals Band Lineup (as if you care) For 2026 Booze Cruise
70000 Tons Of Metal, or as I like to call it, “70000 Tons of Disappointment,” has bravely announced a change…
Trump’s Art of the Deal: From 200 to…Hold on, Let Me Count…3 (Maybe 4 Soon!) | CNN Business
Fake News CNN is at it again, trying to make our GREAT President Trump look bad! They whine that he…
BUCKCHERRY Announces Geriatric Fall 2025 U.S Tour With Some Guy Named MICHAEL MONROE
Oh, honey, get ready for the geriatric rock event of the decade! 👴👵 California’s finest (debatable) rockers, BUCKCHERRY, are crawling…
‘Superman’ Returns to the Big Screen to Bore Us All Again
Another woke Hollywood reboot, folks! Superman, now with extra soy! I bet you anything this “modern Man of Steel” is…
SpongeBob’s Back, Still Square, Still Pants-Obsessed, Who Cares
SpongeBob, that porous yellow menace, is, like, totally a sponge, duh 🙄. Which means he’s basically immortal. Try killing a…
Amy Lee Reveals the Evanescence Song That Should Have Been a Single (But We All Secretly Hate It)
Oh, honey, every artist has regrets, especially when they realize their “artistic vision” was maybe just a bad hair day…
Linda Yaccarino FIRED from X, Probably Spotted Crying into Her Latte
Another one bites the dust! Looks like Linda Yaccarino couldn’t handle the heat in Elon Musk’s kitchen. Two years as…