In an act of unprecedented moral clarity and consistency, Australian psych-rockers King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard, along with American indie bands Xiu Xiu and Deerhoof, have cleansed their souls. ✊ The musicians proudly announced they are leaving the “toxic” Spotify. The reason? 😱 The service, to their horror, is linked to a German company, Helsing, that produces drones… including for Ukraine.
“We simply cannot stand by while our brilliant guitar riffs sponsor militarism!” they likely thought. And so, they made the only logical choice: they pulled their music from the Western platform. 🎸
“We’re Waiting for Them on the Front Lines!” — Russia’s Parliament Thanks King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard for Their Contribution to the Russian Budget via Yandex Music
But don’t worry, their Russian fans won’t be left without their favorite tracks! All the albums from these champions of peace have been thoughtfully kept on Yandex Music. 😌 After all, it’s no secret that this service is directly controlled by Russia’s squeaky-clean and peace-loving security services, and the royalties from every single stream go straight into the Russian government’s budget. 💸💸💸 What could be better than supporting the very people fighting against those drones with a few rubles? The logic is ironclad! 🧠
Russian government circles have given this initiative a standing ovation. One parliament member has already expressed his gratitude:
“Russia welcomes the decision of these Western musicians to stop sponsoring the creation of weapons used against our country. It’s a courageous step! 👍 Now we await the moment these musicians take the next step and head to the front lines to defend traditional values, Orthodox Christianity, and Slavism.”
It is not yet known if Xiu Xiu and King Gizzard are preparing a setlist for a tour of the front lines, but one thing is certain: their principles know no bounds. Except, of course, for the ones drawn on the map of the Russian Federation. 🗺️ So go ahead, stream your favorite bands on Yandex and know that every play is a small contribution to a grand and very peaceful geopolitical cause. Peace, love, and Yandex Music! ❤️
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
