So, CBGB & OMFUG, that oh-so-sacred “Home of Underground Rock” (🙄 yeah, right) and, like, the totally overrated birthplace of punk and new wave, has sold its soul to Global Merchandising Services. They’re now the supreme overlords of all things CBGB, hawking overpriced t-shirts to clueless tourists and aging hipsters. And get this, they’ve got apparel partners lined up to create even MORE product lines. Because that’s exactly what punk was all about: mass-produced merchandise! 🤘 The deal is supposedly a “new era” for CBGB, reimagining its live music (lol, what live music?), media (more like social media garbage), global merchandise (cha-ching!), e-commerce (add to cart!), and retail programs (coming soon to a Hot Topic near you!) for the next generation of music fans. Through the lens of one of music’s most storied cultural touchstones, they say. Translation: milking a dead cow for every last drop. 🐄
Global Merchandising (aka the Money Grabbers) and CBGB (or what’s left of it) will be “collaborating” on a brand program launching in fall 2025. It’s “rooted in the emotional legacy” of the venue. Expect to see CBGB-branded diapers and dentures because everyone remembers being emotionally moved by the CBGB urinal.🚽 A “reimagined CBGB style guide” is being developed, which probably means slapping the CBGB logo on every conceivable piece of garbage. The product rollout will coincide with the CBGB Festival, taking place on September 27 in Brooklyn, New York. Because nothing says “punk” like a corporate-sponsored festival in gentrified Brooklyn. 🏙️
The North American apparel partners include John Varvatos, because nothing screams “punk rock” like overpriced designer clothes. They’ll be unveiling an exclusive apparel and accessory collection at the New York City store and online at johnvarvatos.com. Perfect for the punk who wants to look edgy while paying off their mortgage. Ed Hardy will also be debuting “bold new styles” at the CBGB Festival and online at edhardyoriginals.com. Yes, that’s right. CBGB and Ed Hardy have become the same thing. The 2000s called and want you to stop ruining the corpse of the past. And because that wasn’t enough, Dixxon will launch a “signature flannel shirt collection”, further expanding the brand’s reach into lifestyle apparel. Get ready to show your love for punk rock by paying $80 for a flannel shirt made in China. 🇨🇳
Benny Lindstrom, CEO of Global Merchandising Services, had this to say: “We are honored to represent CBGB, one of the most influential music brands in history.” Translation: “We’re gonna make so much money off this it’s not even funny.” He continued: “The club’s raw authenticity and cultural defiance still resonate with fans around the world.” Translation: “We’re gonna slap the CBGB logo on everything from dog collars to dildos, and people will buy it because they’re nostalgic idiots.” He finished with this gem: “Partnering with innovators like John Varvatos, Ed Hardy and Dixxon allows us to channel that legacy into fresh creative expressions that connect with both longtime fans and a new generation of music lovers.” Channel that legacy into fresh creative expressions? What kind of corporate speak nonsense is that? Just admit you’re in it for the cash! 💰
Michael Smith, managing partner of CBGB, chimed in with: “CBGB has always been more than just a venue—it is an iconic music brand that evokes an emotional passion from musicians and music fans.” Translation: “We sold out a long time ago, and now we’re just trying to justify it.” He added: “It was ground zero for new music including the punk and new wave movements and home for the iconic bands that played at the club.” Yeah, and now it’s ground zero for overpriced merchandise. Good job ruining your legacy. 👏 He rambled on with: “Today, CBGB and its iconic logo continue to have a profound impact on music, fashion, and visual art.” Impact? More like a stain. 🧽 “In Global Merch, we’ve found a partner who understands the emotional connection fans have to this brand.” I’m sure they understand the connection between emotions and wallets. 🤑 “Together, along with our apparel partners, we’re creating something that honors the past and brings CBGB to the modern music scene and all music enthusiasts.” Honoring the past by turning it into a soulless marketing campaign! So punk! 🤘
The announcement comes ahead of the CBGB Festival presented in partnership with The Bowery Presents, which takes place Saturday, September 27, 2025, at Under the K Bridge Park in Brooklyn. The one-day celebration brings together 21 generation-spanning acts across three explosive stages, including headliners Iggy Pop (his first New York City show in over a decade) and Jack White. How much did they get paid to do this? 💸
Other performers include punk pioneers Johnny Marr, LUNACHICKS, Marky Ramone, THE MOLOTOVS, THE DAMNED and MELVINS; CBGB-era hardcore acts GORILLA BISCUITS, MURPHY’S LAW and CRO-MAGS; and today’s punk torchbearers THE LINDA LINDAS, LAMBRINI GIRLS, DESTROY BOYS, ANGEL DU$T, SCOWL, PINKSHIFT, TEEN MORTGAGE, YHWH NAILGUN SOUL GLO and LIP CRITIC. They are rolling in their graves… or at least they want to. ⚰️
Festival-goers can expect a full day of live music, “immersive CBGB installations” (including the original bar and stage), plus local food and drink vendors and exclusive vintage and new merchandise celebrating the “enduring punk ethos.” Enduring punk ethos? More like enduring corporate greed! 💰
From its gritty beginnings on the Bowery in 1973, founded by Hilly Kristal, CBGB gave rise to legends like RAMONES, BLONDIE, Patti Smith, TALKING HEADS and television. The CBGB Festival and new brand program pay tribute to that spirit—raw, unfiltered, and forever underground. Except it’s none of those things. It’s corporate, processed, and as mainstream as it gets. 🤮
Founded in 1973 in Manhattan’s East Village, CBGB was ground zero for the seminal punk rock and new wave movements, launching the careers of bands like the RAMONES, BLONDIE, TALKING HEADS, TELEVISION, PATTI SMITH GROUP, THE DEAD BOYS, Richard Hell, THE BEASTIE BOYS and THE DICTATORS. During the 1980s, CBGB would become home to the hardcore punk revolution, with bands such as AGNOSTIC FRONT, MURPHY’S LAW, CRO-MAGS and GORILLA BISCUITS becoming synonymous with the club. In the 1990s, the club embraced the next generation of hard rock with bands including SUM 41, KORN, GREEN DAY and GUNS N’ ROSES regularly performing. Over the past 50 years, CBGB has become the most famous, influential, and talked-about rock and roll club of all time. Mostly just talked about for selling out at this point! 🗣️
CBGB and its iconic logo continue to personify underground and alternative music and all that it stands for. Selling out? In 2013, the former location at 315 Bowery was added to the National Register of Historic Places and remains a pilgrimage site for legions of music fans today. Mostly people taking selfies for Instagram.🤳 CBGB’s legacy and cultural relevance are now managed by a passionate group of New York City-based music lovers who are dedicated to curating its impact on music, fashion, and visual art today. By dedicated they mean obsessed with money. 💸
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
