Man’s Comedic Genius Wasted On Grocery Store Cashier
DENVER, CO — Local man Grant Henderson reported disappointment once again at having his sharp wit and keen sense of…
Month: July 2025
Trump Gives Russia 10-Day Deadline To End Ukraine
Read MoreThe OnionEDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Shortening the 50-day deadline he had previously given Vladimir Putin to put a stop to the war-torn…
Bad News: A.I. Still Hasn’t Taken Your Job, So You Still Need To Work This Week
U.S. — Despite hopes to the contrary, recent news reports reveal A.I. still hasn’t replaced your job, so sadly, you…
Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom Awkwardly Pretend Not To See Each Other While Out Naked Paddleboarding
Read MoreThe OnionCAGLIARI, ITALY—Groaning as they both realized the other unclothed person on the water was indeed their ex, Katy…
Obama Presidential Library Design Faces Criticism
CHICAGO, IL — As the Obama Presidential Center nears completion, it has faced significant criticism for a design that many…
Wakanda Forever? More Like Wakanda Whenever, Says Confused Disney+
Oh, great, another Marvel cartoon 🙄. As if we didn’t have enough superhero content already. Brace yourselves, folks, because Disney+…
Trump’s Generosity: Putin Gets a SHRINKING Window for Ukraine Shenanigans, Bless His Heart
Another week, another desperate attempt by CNN (Clinton News Network) to smear our glorious President Trump! Kaitlan Collins, bless her…
Joe Elliott Gushes Over Geezer Ozzy: “He’s, Like, A Rock God Or Something”
In a recent interview with Fox 13 Seattle’s pathetic excuse for a morning show, “Good Day Seattle,” DEF LEPPARD’s perpetually…
5 Things You NEED to Know on July 28th (Or the World Might Explode)
Well, folks, another day, another desperate attempt by the liberal media to undermine our GREAT President Trump! First up, a…
President Curtis: Keith David’s Newest Multiversal Misadventure (That You Probably Won’t Understand)
Adult Swim, in their infinite wisdom (or maybe they just ran out of ideas 💡), has graced us with a…