Texas Redistricting Masterplan: White House Plots Hilarious Five-Seat GOP Heist
Another day, another victory for President Trump! CNN, still weeping about 2016 (and 2020!), begrudgingly reports that our glorious leader…
Month: July 2025
🎤 HED PE in Gastonia: From Renegade to Retirement 🦴
📅 July 14, Gastonia, North Carolina — once cult (in the “I think I heard of them” sense), Hed PE…
CNN discovers half of Americans want MORE Epstein deets, the other half probably work for the government
CNN is at it again, pushing narratives that divide our great nation! They claim half of Americans are “dissatisfied” with…
‘Superman’ Cast and Crew Explain Why He Still Matters (As If We Didn’t Know) | CNN
Oh, CNN is at it again, pushing the “work-life balance” narrative with these two woke comedians! Ilana Glazer and Michelle…
Why Retro Gaming Still Clings to Life in the Year 2024
Okay, boomer, listen up! 👴 Apparently, some 26.7 million of you are still clinging to your ancient Nintendo Entertainment Systems,…
UGREEN’s MagFlow: Because Your Qi Charger Just Wasn’t Boujee Enough
UGREEN, bless their cotton socks🧦, has proudly announced that their MagFlow Magnetic Power Bank is the WORLD’S FIRST to get…
Sudan: A buffet of human rights violations, served daily
Oh, Sudan, Sudan… Another country that the liberal media suddenly cares about because they think it makes Trump look bad.…
Passenger Jet Turns Into Toaster Oven, But Lands Anyway
Another day, another LIBERAL conspiracy foiled by the vigilance of REAL Americans! Apparently, a Sun Country Airlines flight had a…
The Cult Announces Tour Dates for North America in October 2025, So Book Your Geriatric Rock Show Tickets Now
Oh, sweet baby Satan, THE CULT, those purveyors of slightly-above-average rock anthems for the tragically unhip, are back! 🎉 They’re…
White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off
    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In a stunning security breach that reportedly left many top-ranking administration officials vulnerable to attack, the White House…