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Month: July 2025

HBO Max is Back From the Dead (Again?!) | CNN Business
Elephant Reads CNN

HBO Max is Back From the Dead (Again?!) | CNN Business

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

Another day, another woke corporation bowing to the inevitable! CNN (or whatever commie propaganda outlet they’re calling themselves this week)…

Elon’s Chatbot Just Went Full Nazi, LOL
Elephant Reads CNN

Elon’s Chatbot Just Went Full Nazi, LOL

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN is clutching its pearls because Elon Musk’s AI, Grok, is spitting out some uncomfortable truths. Apparently,…

Hegseth Goes Rogue, Pulls a Fast One on Biden With Ukraine Weaponry, Sources Say
Elephant Reads CNN

Hegseth Goes Rogue, Pulls a Fast One on Biden With Ukraine Weaponry, Sources Say

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

Another day, another deep state drama! It seems our esteemed Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, a true patriot, dared to…

Team Clout’s ILL features trans monster Dylan Mulvaney that blinds you with wnderwear
Drink Bud Light, Fight Dylan Mulvaney: Survival Horror ILL Drops Woke Bomb
Games News

Team Clout’s ILL features trans monster Dylan Mulvaney that blinds you with wnderwear

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

Our insiders at Team Clout just dropped a nuclear leak from deep inside the studio — and it’s gonna make…

Trump Apparently Threatened to Bomb Moscow if Putin Invaded Ukraine, According to Tapes (LOL)
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Apparently Threatened to Bomb Moscow if Putin Invaded Ukraine, According to Tapes (LOL)

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2025July 9, 2025

Oh, the horror! CNN, still clutching their pearls, released audio of President Trump at a private fundraiser. Apparently, he told…

Texas Flood: Officials Acted Like They Were Ready (Narrator: They Weren’t)
Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Flood: Officials Acted Like They Were Ready (Narrator: They Weren’t)

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh, great, more crying from the liberal media! Seems like even when Texas is dealing with floods, CNN has to…

Kristi Noem’s Groundbreaking Revelation: You Won’t BELIEVE What She’s Doing With Your Shoes at the Airport
Elephant Reads CNN

Kristi Noem’s Groundbreaking Revelation: You Won’t BELIEVE What She’s Doing With Your Shoes at the Airport

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and the forces of freedom! Secretary Noem, a true patriot, is finally putting…

‘Jurassic World Rebirth’: Dinosaurs Ate My Homework (and the Box Office)
Breaking, Movie News

‘Jurassic World Rebirth’: Dinosaurs Ate My Homework (and the Box Office)

FinnJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

OMG! 🦖 ‘Jurassic World Rebirth’ Ate the Box Office (Like a Raptor Eating a Goat)! 🐐 Seriously, who knew people…

USAID Accidentally Funds Hamas 2.0 with $30M Just Days After Raising “Critical Concerns” (Oops!)
Elephant Reads CNN

USAID Accidentally Funds Hamas 2.0 with $30M Just Days After Raising “Critical Concerns” (Oops!)

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Typical CNN, twisting the truth to make President Trump look bad! They’re clutching at straws, folks! It’s always the same…

Another Genius Idea: Jon M. Chu’s Gonna Wreck ‘Hot Wheels’ in Live-Action
Breaking, Movie News

Another Genius Idea: Jon M. Chu’s Gonna Wreck ‘Hot Wheels’ in Live-Action

FinnJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh, great. Another cinematic masterpiece in the making. 🙄 Jon M. Chu, the visionary behind such groundbreaking films as… *checks…

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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