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Month: July 2025

Nebraska’s Dan Osborn, bless his heart, gonna try to unseat Senator “Literally Born Rich” Ricketts again
Elephant Reads CNN

Nebraska’s Dan Osborn, bless his heart, gonna try to unseat Senator “Literally Born Rich” Ricketts again

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh, great, another “independent” (read: closet liberal) crawling out of the woodwork to challenge a TRUE conservative! This time it’s…

MEGADETH Sumo-Sized Fail: Round 2 of Embarrassment
Breaking, Movie News

MEGADETH Sumo-Sized Fail: Round 2 of Embarrassment

Chord F. DiscordJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

Oh my god, can you even believe this? MEGADETH, those geriatric thrash metal dudes, are STILL trying to stay relevant…

Trump’s Tariff Tantrums: Who’s Crying Now, CNN Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s Tariff Tantrums: Who’s Crying Now, CNN Business

Big ElephantJuly 8, 2025July 8, 2025

More winning! President Trump, in his infinite wisdom, is making these freeloading countries pay their fair share. It’s about time…

Grammys With a War Drum: Mapuche Metal Band Mawiza Drops Sad Banger ft. Joe Duplantier
Gojira + Tribal Metal = "Ti Inan Paw-Pawkan" — What Grief Sounds Like in Drop D
Music News

Grammys With a War Drum: Mapuche Metal Band Mawiza Drops Sad Banger ft. Joe Duplantier

Chord F. DiscordJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

📢 BREAKING METAL NEWS – Somewhere in the Sacred Andes! Indigenous Mapuche metal warriors Mawiza just dropped a brand-new track…

Marvel’s New X-Men Reboot to Star Bella Ramsey as Potato-Man — Fans Are Losing It
X-Men Go Full Woke: Genderfluid Vegetables, Inclusivity, and Bella Ramsey in Latex
Movie News

Marvel’s New X-Men Reboot to Star Bella Ramsey as Potato-Man — Fans Are Losing It

FinnJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

A deeply concerned insider hiding behind the soundstage curtains at Disney has leaked shocking news: the upcoming reboot of the…

Zohran Mamdani’s Rivals Fail to Form a Voltron of Suck in NYC Mayoral Clown Show
Elephant Reads CNN

Zohran Mamdani’s Rivals Fail to Form a Voltron of Suck in NYC Mayoral Clown Show

Big ElephantJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

Oh, the hilarity never ends in the Socialist Republic of New York! It seems that after being utterly humiliated by…

Texas Camp Flood Survivor: More Worried About Sibling (Typical)
Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Camp Flood Survivor: More Worried About Sibling (Typical)

Big ElephantJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

Another HUGE win for President Trump! The so-called “big, beautiful bill” (and it IS, folks, believe me) squeaks through the…

Ted Cruz Flees Luxurious Vacation Just in Time to Not Help Texans Drowning in Their Homes, Says Ted Cruz’s Office
Elephant Reads CNN

Ted Cruz Flees Luxurious Vacation Just in Time to Not Help Texans Drowning in Their Homes, Says Ted Cruz’s Office

Big ElephantJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

Oh, CNN is clutching its pearls again! Apparently, Senator Ted Cruz dared to take a PRE-PLANNED vacation to Greece while…

VA Changed Its Mind About Firing Everyone (Just Most People)
Elephant Reads CNN

VA Changed Its Mind About Firing Everyone (Just Most People)

Big ElephantJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

Another day, another liberal media meltdown! CNN is at it again, whining about the VA “walking back plans” for layoffs.…

Dead by Daylight and Walking Dead Team Up to Traumatize You More
Breaking, Games News

Dead by Daylight and Walking Dead Team Up to Traumatize You More

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

Oh, look, another Dead by Daylight crossover. 🙄 Because what this game REALLY needs is MORE content instead of, you…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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