Oh, honey, guess what? 💅 Apparently, Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 3 and Kingdom Hearts 4 are still “making progress.” Yes, you read that right. PROGRESS! As in, they haven’t been completely abandoned in a dusty corner of Square Enix headquarters. 🥳🥳🥳
So, Tetsuya Nomura, the creative genius (or is it creative troll? 🤔) behind these epics, graced us with his presence during the second anniversary news stream for Final Fantasy 7: Ever Crisis. You know, that mobile game you probably forgot existed? 📱 Well, according to @aitaikimochi on X (formerly Twitter, for you old-timers 👴👵), Nomura-san dropped some truth bombs.
“[Motomu] Toriyama supposedly said we will have news around the 2nd anniversary of FF7EC. We are making great progress on the game!,”
Nomura then, with the subtlety of a nuke 💣, mentioned he couldn’t say much else, seeing as this was just some mobile game livestream. 🙄🙄🙄 As if anyone cares about Ever Crisis when we’re all foaming at the mouth for more Cloud and Sora! 🤤🤤🤤
“But we are indeed making a lot of progress with the game. We already have decided when we will make the announcement as well. And we will stick to that time schedule. So don’t worry, but please wait for it,” Nomura says, “On that same note, I’m seeing a lot of comments on Kingdom Hearts 4. We are making great strides and going according to schedule.”
Oh, “great strides,” you say? So, are we talking PS6 launch titles here? 🎮 Is that the schedule you’re sticking to? Because honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if my grandkids are playing these games on their neural implants. 🧠👾
And let’s not forget that the Final Fantasy 7 team was all chatty about how reusing the same devs was a game-changer for Rebirth. Like, duh! 🙄🙄🙄 Maybe if they focused less on churning out gacha games 🎰 and more on finishing what they started, we wouldn’t be in this mess. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Speaking of timelines, some genius figured out that if we follow the same pattern as before, Part 3 might drop around late 2027. 🗓️ Only four years? That’s like, a blink of an eye in Nomura Time™! ⏳ I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait, though, especially if it involves more convoluted plot twists, questionable character designs, and enough angst to fill the Lifestream. 😭🤣😭🤣
But hey, at least Ever Crisis is getting new content. 🎉 Playable Sephiroth? Groundbreaking! 🙄 Costumes and collabs with Advent Children, Final Fantasy XIII, and NieR? Because that’s totally what the fans are clamoring for. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ More distractions while we wait for the real deal. 🤡🤡🤡
So, there you have it, folks. Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 3 and Kingdom Hearts 4 are “making progress.” Feel free to interpret that however you want, because honestly, at this point, it’s all just a waiting game. 🧘♀️🧘♀️🧘♀️ In the meantime, keep refreshing those trailers, dissecting every pixel, and praying to the gaming gods for a miracle. 🙏🙏🙏 And maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to play these games before we die. 💀💀💀
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
