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Month: September 2025

Starbucks Shuts Down and Fires Everyone (Probably Your Barista Too) | CNN Business
Elephant Reads CNN

Starbucks Shuts Down and Fires Everyone (Probably Your Barista Too) | CNN Business

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Another woke company bites the dust! Starbucks, once a beacon of overpriced coffee and leftist virtue signaling, is closing hundreds…

Brace Yourselves, Emo Babies: Linkin Park Lullabies Are Coming to Gently Rock You Into an Existential Crisis This Friday; Prepare for Animated ‘In The End’ Video That’s More Depressing Than Your Naptime
Breaking, Music News

Brace Yourselves, Emo Babies: Linkin Park Lullabies Are Coming to Gently Rock You Into an Existential Crisis This Friday; Prepare for Animated ‘In The End’ Video That’s More Depressing Than Your Naptime

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Well, well, well, what have we here? ðŸĪŠ On September 26, prepare yourselves for the auditory equivalent of decaf coffee:…

V/H/S Halloween: Because Your Nightmares Aren’t Already Trashy Enough
Live, Movie News

V/H/S Halloween: Because Your Nightmares Aren’t Already Trashy Enough

FinnSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

**OMG ðŸ˜ą! Another V/H/S movie? Seriously? 🙄 Is this franchise ever going to die?💀 I mean, who even watches these…

Ghost’s ‘Skeletour’ with PRG: Prepare for a Behind-the-Crypt Look (as if you care)
Breaking, Music News

Ghost’s ‘Skeletour’ with PRG: Prepare for a Behind-the-Crypt Look (as if you care)

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

So, GHOST went on tour, called the “Skeletour”. You know, because calling it the “We Need More Money Tour” was…

Christian Author Throws Epic Tantrum After Rapture No-Show: Blames Bible for Being a Party Pooper | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Christian Author Throws Epic Tantrum After Rapture No-Show: Blames Bible for Being a Party Pooper | CNN

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

More nations cave to the radical leftist agenda! Britain, Canada, and Australia, now formally recognizing a “Palestinian state,” are clearly…

‘Avatar: Fire and Ash’ Trailer: Pandora’s Getting a Makeover (and It’s Not Pretty)
Breaking, Movie News

‘Avatar: Fire and Ash’ Trailer: Pandora’s Getting a Makeover (and It’s Not Pretty)

FinnSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Avatar: Fire and Ash Trailer Drops, Proving James Cameron is Still Obsessed with Blue People. I mean, seriously, who asked…

HoYoVerse Dumps Another Life Sim on Us: Petit Planet, or How to Avoid Touching Grass in Space
Breaking, Games News

HoYoVerse Dumps Another Life Sim on Us: Petit Planet, or How to Avoid Touching Grass in Space

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Oh, HoYoVerse, you scallywags! ðŸĪŠ After boring us all to tears ðŸ˜ī with your RPGs and those open-world ARPGs (seriously,…

Isle of Man Honors Prog Rock Keyboardist With Stamps Featuring Yes Art, Because Why Not
Breaking, Music News

Isle of Man Honors Prog Rock Keyboardist With Stamps Featuring Yes Art, Because Why Not

Chord F. DiscordSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Okay, boomer, prepare to have your mind blown ðŸĪŊ by the most groundbreaking, earth-shattering news since sliced bread: Some relics…

Obama triggered by Trump’s Tylenol tweet, calls it ‘truth violence’
Elephant Reads CNN

Obama triggered by Trump’s Tylenol tweet, calls it ‘truth violence’

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Oh, BOO HOO, Obama! Seems like someone’s still crying over spilled milk (or should I say, lost elections?). Now he’s…

Breaking: Orange Man About to Make Your Favorite Chinese Spy App Great Again
Elephant Reads CNN

Breaking: Orange Man About to Make Your Favorite Chinese Spy App Great Again

Big ElephantSeptember 25, 2025September 25, 2025

Another victory for President Trump! He’s playing 4D chess while the Libs are still trying to figure out how to…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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