Another day, another sign of the impending apocalypse, folks! I bet you won’t hear about this on Fake News CNN or MSDNC.
Folks, you won’t believe the latest sign that Biden’s America is going to hell in a handbasket. A woman in North Carolina was driving down the road when a BALD EAGLE – yes, the symbol of our great nation – dropped a DEAD CAT right onto her windshield! I’m not making this up, folks, this is real news.
Now, I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but let’s think about this for a minute. Bald eagles don’t just go around dropping dead cats on people’s cars. This reeks of a liberal plot to tarnish our national symbol. Was this cat a paid assassin? Was Soros behind this? And why a cat? Everyone knows that cats are demons. Probably, the cat was the familiar of some witch from the local coven.
And the dispatcher? Laughing about it! Probably a card-carrying member of the DSA. This is what we get when we let the liberals run wild, folks. The left have taken over everything.
I’m just saying, President Trump would never let this happen on his watch. Time to lock her up.
MAGA!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
