In the annals of Batman video game history, one truth reigns supreme: the Arkham series is the Dark Knight of gaming, while everything else is just some random goon in a hockey mask. And sure, the Arkham franchise deserves its crown—it managed to stuff every single Batman trope into one gloriously dark, action-packed burrito. Detective work? Check. Brooding melodrama? Double check. Beating up 40 guys at once while hanging upside down? Oh, you know it.
But before the Arkham games swooped in like a caped crusader, there was Batman Begins—the 2005 video game adaptation of Christopher Nolan’s origin story. And oh boy, was it a rollercoaster of “almosts.” 🎢 It had the cast! The aesthetics! The behind-the-scenes drama of Michael Caine trying to figure out email! And yet, it somehow still ended up as forgettable as a random mugger in Crime Alley.
Let’s talk about the dream team they assembled. Christian Bale, Katie Holmes, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman—basically everyone except the janitor from Wayne Enterprises. They even got Gary Oldman… until they didn’t, because apparently, even Commissioner Gordon has a price. The game’s developers were so committed to authenticity that they filmed the voice recording sessions. Yes, really. There’s footage of Tom Wilkinson proudly announcing he knows where his computer is in his house. Groundbreaking stuff, folks.
And then there’s Christian Bale, delivering his iconic Batman voice in the VO booth. At one point, he growls, “So… tell me about the rabbits.” The director, clearly not satisfied with the level of existential dread in Bale’s delivery, asks him to be “more threatening.” What follows is a masterclass in unhinged intensity that makes you wonder if Bale was secretly preparing for his infamous on-set meltdown years later. 🦇💥
Despite this star-studded effort, the game was about as well-received as the Joker at a birthday party. Eurogamer called it “the beginnings of an interesting game” that “never really evolve into anything.” IGN, ever the blunt critic, dubbed it “Batman for dummies.” Ouch. Warner Bros., clearly realizing they’d created a Bat-astrophe, scrapped plans for a sequel based on The Dark Knight and instead pivoted to the Arkham series. Smart move.
Because let’s be real: does Arkham Asylum have Batman screaming about rabbits? No. Does it have Michael Caine admitting he doesn’t know how to use a computer? Also no. But does it have you gliding through Gotham, taking down goons with style and grace? Absolutely. And that’s why it’s the true hero Gotham—and gaming—deserves.
So, here’s to Batman Begins the game: a valiant effort that proved even the best cast in the world can’t save a game that’s just… meh. But hey, at least we got to see Christian Bale yell about rabbits. 🐰🦇
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
