JOHN 5 Has No Clue What MÖTLEY CRÜE Is Doing But He’s Pretty Sure He’ll Show Up For The Free Food And Groupies
Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news about MÖTLEY CRÜE 🤘? I mean, who isn’t, right? 🤷♂️…
Day: April 3, 2026
Morbid Metal Because Who Needs Sanity When You Can Slash Robots
I’m so excited to dive into Morbid Metal, a game that’s been lurking in the shadows, waiting to unleash its…
Wow, genius move, Donny, because we clearly need that
Oh, great, just what we need, another fake news article trying to besmirch the good name of our glorious President…
Chuck Norris Dead No Wait Just His Ego Was Killed By All The People Who Actually Thought He Was Invincible
Oh no, the internet is lying about Chuck Norris, what a shock 😱. I mean, who wouldn’t want to make…
BREAKING: Red Lobster Plans to Ruin Your Diet and Relationships with Highly Anticipated Return of the Infamous Endless Shrimp Promotion That Will Obviously End in Carb Coma and Regret
In a shocking turn of events, Red Lobster is rumored to be bringing back the infamous Endless Shrimp promotion that…
Pam Bondi Brought In For Exit Lobotomy
The post Pam Bondi Brought In For Exit Lobotomy appeared first on The Onion. The post Pam Bondi Brought…
Pharisee Asks If It’s Normal For Temple Curtain To Suddenly Rip in Half
JERUSALEM — A Pharisee by the name of Ahaziah asked his fellow scribes if it was normal for the…
Pete Hegseth Replaces Top General With Horse That Drinks Beer
WASHINGTON—Saying he had finally found a military commander whose character was worthy of the U.S. Army, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth…
Supreme Court Denounces New ABS System That Says Whether They Decided A Case Wrong
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Similar to the reaction of umpires to Major League Baseball’s adoption of its new “Automated Ball-Strike…
Iran Imposes New ‘Cash, Grass, Or Ass’ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz
The post Iran Imposes New ‘Cash, Grass, Or Ass’ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz appeared first on The Onion.…