The editorial board of Jackal.Today, the beacon of satirical journalism, has staged an indefinite protest until February 3. But this isn’t your typical worker strike over poor pay or toxic bosses. No, dear readers! The brave souls at Jackal.Today have finally had enough of the nightmare of excessive salaries and an overly liberal editorial policy. Yes, they are sick of making too much money for writing nonsense and being allowed to say whatever they want. The oppression must end! 🔥
Journalists of Jackal.Today Rebel Against «Luxury and Liberalism»! Too Much Freedom Has Gone Too Far
«We can no longer tolerate this obscene level of freedom,» declared the spokesperson of the movement, Chuck «The Woke Slayer» Ballsy , while sipping a $12 oat milk latte. «Every morning I wake up, see my fat paycheck, and feel nothing but shame! Who will stand up for the struggling, underpaid corporate journalists who actually have to obey an editor and check facts?» The man reportedly then sobbed into his ethically sourced avocado toast.
The Perils of Luxury: Journalists Drown in Cash, Beg for Hardship
For years, the staff of Jackal.Today have suffered under a tyrannical system of obscene financial stability. Forced to accept high wages for minimal effort, these poor souls have been unable to experience the true struggle of modern journalism — like begging for donations on Patreon, shilling government narratives, or rewriting Twitter posts into full articles.
«We have lost our roots!» cries veteran columnist Pixel P. Snarkbyte. «We used to be starving, angry writers fighting for our right to publish offensive jokes. Now we can afford rent, food, and even health insurance! This is a betrayal of everything we stood for!» 😭 Stevenson then threw her gold-plated iPhone into a trash can, but later retrieved it because, let’s be honest, principles are expensive.
A Call for Less Freedom! The Need for a Responsible Censor
But it’s not just the lavish salaries that have caused this humanitarian crisis at Jackal.Today. The staff has also been burdened with far too much editorial freedom. No censorship, no corporate overlords, and — worst of all — no one telling them what words they’re not allowed to use. «This is an outrage,» declared junior editor Chord F. Discord, shaking his head.
«Sometimes, I sit down to write and I think: ‹What would happen if I used words that might offend someone?›» Davidson shuddered. «And then I realize: Nothing happens. No HR meeting, no Twitter mobs, no CEO apologizing on my behalf. Just pure, raw freedom. And that, my friends, is terrifying.» 😱
The striking journalists demand immediate reforms, including:
- Mandatory salary cuts — nobody should earn more than an unemployed activist.
- Strict editorial oversight — at least one diversity officer per article to ensure compliance with feelings.
- A return to true oppression — because real journalists must struggle to be heard!
When Will This Madness End?
For now, the offices of Jackal.Today remain eerily empty. The coffee machines hum in solitude, and the unpaid interns — too inexperienced to grasp the trauma of high wages — wander the halls in confusion. The question remains: Will the management cave to these brave demands? Or will they heartlessly continue to provide financial stability and unchecked free speech?
One thing is certain: The world is watching. And laughing. 😂
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
