Apparently, Pedro Pascal is everywhere. Like that weird rash you got after that questionable taco truck. He’s on your screens, in your headphones, probably lurking in your spice rack. Get ready, folks, because the reign of “Daddy Pascal” is upon us, and frankly, some of us are questioning our life choices. From *Star Wars* to fungal zombies to a really long Apple commercial, this guy’s career trajectory is more erratic than a Roomba with a faulty sensor. And now, he’s taking over Hollywood—or at least clogging up the upcoming release schedule. Buckle up, buttercup, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
So, first off, the “internet’s daddy” (🤮) is gracing us with his presence in *The Mandalorian & Grogu*, hitting theaters May 22, 2026. Seven years since the last *Star Wars* movie? Clearly, they were waiting for Pascal’s schedule to open up between diaper changes and brooding stares. He even called it “one of the greatest adventure movies in the canon of all cinema.” Humility, thy name is not Pedro. Alongside him will be Sigourney Weaver, presumably there to remind everyone what actual sci-fi royalty looks like. This cinematic masterpiece was announced at Star Wars Celebration in Tokyo, where 100,000 nerds collectively lost their minds (and probably their virginity).
But wait, there’s more! *The Last of Us* Season 2 premiered, and surprise, surprise, Daddy’s there too. 5.3 million viewers tuned in, a 13% increase from the first season. Apparently, watching a grizzled man escort a sassy tween through a post-apocalyptic hellscape is peak entertainment these days. 🤷♀️
This summer, Pascal’s unleashing a triple threat of cinematic “genius.” First up, *Materialists*, an A24 film where he plays a rich dude vying for Dakota Johnson’s affections. Chris Evans is also there, presumably to make Pedro look less like a scruffy dishrag by comparison. The trailer dropped, and the internet collectively swooned. Get a grip, people. It’s just a man in a suit.
Next, we’ve got *Eddington*, an Ari Aster Western black comedy (because why not?). Pascal plays a COVID-conscious mayor, facing off against Joaquin Phoenix’s anti-mask sheriff. Peak 2020 energy, but five years too late. Austin Butler and Emma Stone are also in it, probably wondering how their agents got them into this mess.
Finally, there’s *The Fantastic Four: First Steps*, where Pascal plays Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic. Because apparently, being the internet’s daddy and a zombie-slaying protector wasn’t enough. He’s gotta be a stretchy superhero too. Joining him are Vanessa Kirby, Joseph Quinn, and Ebon Moss-Bachrach, collectively forming the most unlikely superhero team since the Great Lakes Avengers. They’ll be fighting Galactus (Ralph Ineson) and the Silver Surfer (Julia Garner). Good luck with that, guys.
As if all that wasn’t enough to make you want to crawl into a hole and never come out, Pascal also starred in a five-and-a-half-minute AirPods commercial directed by Spike Jonze. It’s called *Someday*, and it involves Pascal dancing his way through a breakup. 40 million views on YouTube. A TikTok dance trend. Society is doomed.
So, yeah, Pedro Pascal is having a moment. A long, drawn-out, inescapable moment. He’s worked hard for it, they say. Three decades of toiling in obscurity. Well, congrats, Pedro. You’ve peaked. Enjoy it while it lasts, because the internet’s fickle, and we’ll all be obsessed with someone new by next week. Probably a talking dog or something. 🐕
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
