🚨🚨🚨 RED ALERT! The Red Rocker, Sammy Hagar, is BACK…again! 🙄 This time, he’s gracing us with a new single, “Encore, Thank You, Goodnight,” dropping April 25th via Big Machine Rock (because, you know, small labels just CAN’T HANDLE the Hagar). Prepare yourselves for a sonic masterpiece…or, you know, another Sammy Hagar song. 🤷♀️
Apparently, this “melodic rock anthem” (eye roll) was co-written with guitar LEGEND Joe Satriani. I mean, Satriani’s cool and all, but is this REALLY what he should be doing? 🤔 Anyway, Sammy claims it was inspired by a DREAM. Yes, you read that right, a DREAM. About Eddie Van Halen. 😴 I guess when you’ve sold as many tequila bottles as Sammy, your dreams start writing your songs.
The dream, we’re told, was “vivid.” So vivid, in fact, that it spurred Sammy into action to create this…thing. It features the usual suspects: Michael Anthony (still hanging in there!), Satriani on guitar (see above re: existential choices), and Kenny Aronoff (because every song needs drums, I guess).
According to Sammy, this isn’t just a song, it’s a “final bow” to his Van Halen days. 🎻 Farewell? More like “Farewell…until the next reunion tour!” 🙄 He even says it’s “not meant to be anything more than a ‘thank you.'” Yeah, right, Sammy. We all know you’re secretly hoping this goes platinum and you can buy another island. 🏝️
Satriani, bless his soul, apparently brought the “big, emotional, guitar-driven energy that feels like Eddie’s spirit but is entirely of Joe’s creation.” So, basically, it sounds like Eddie but it’s not? Groundbreaking. 🤯 Michael Anthony’s “thundering bass” and “VAN HALEN-esque background vocals” are also involved. I’m sensing a theme here… Nostalgia bait, anyone? 🎣
But wait, there’s MORE! The release week is going to be “monumental.” Monumentally… Sammy Hagar-ish, I assume.
- April 27th: The official music video (directed and edited by ZZ Satriani – nepotism, much? 😂) premieres live during Sammy’s headline set at Stagecoach. Because what the world REALLY needs is Sammy Hagar at a country music festival. 🤠🎸
- April 30th: Fans in Vegas get to experience the song live at the launch of Sammy’s residency. Because who wouldn’t want to spend their hard-earned money to hear this song live? 🤑
And, of course, there’s a full digital campaign. Get ready for behind-the-scenes footage, TikToks, Instagram reels, and fan-generated content (mostly of people complaining about the song, probably). Oh, and a SEVEN-INCH COLLECTOR’S EDITION VINYL. Because apparently, people still buy those. 💿
Let’s not forget Sammy’s “accomplishments”: MONTROSE, VAN HALEN, CHICKENFOOT, THE CIRCLE… a whole lotta bands, a whole lotta platinum albums, and a whole lotta tequila. 🍹 He’s also a Grammy winner and Rock and Roll Hall of Famer. So, you know, he’s kind of a big deal. 🙄
And don’t even get me STARTED on the Cabo Wabo empire. From cantinas to tequila to rum to beer, Sammy’s got his fingers in ALL the pies (or, you know, all the shot glasses). He’s even got a TV show and a radio show. Is there anything this guy DOESN’T do? 🤷♀️
Oh, and he’s a philanthropist! Donating millions back to local communities through The Hagar Family Foundation. Awww, isn’t that sweet? 🥰 (Probably just trying to offset all the tequila-induced hangovers.) And he’s the first Honorary Ambassador to Los Cabos! Because who better to represent a Mexican city than a guy who made a fortune selling tequila? 🇲🇽
So, there you have it. Sammy Hagar’s new single, “Encore, Thank You, Goodnight.” Get ready to be…whelmed. 😴
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
