Jerry Cantrell, the dude who isn’t Layne Staley (RIP, forever missed 🥺), has dropped a new solo track called “I Want Blood.” 🧛♀️ I mean, really, Jerry? “I Want Blood”? Sounds like something a toddler would scream after scraping their knee. 🙄 The album, apparently co-produced by Jerry himself (because who else would want to?), and some other guy named Joe Barresi (never heard of him 🤷♀️), was recorded at JHOC Studio in Pasadena. Sounds…exclusive? 🤔 Anyway, the album features Duff McKagan from GUNS N’ ROSES (who’s probably regretting his life choices right now 😂), Robert Trujillo from METALLICA (bet he did it for the paycheck 💰), and some drummers and backup singers I’m too lazy to Google. 😴
Jerry, bless his heart, is going on tour again! 🚌 He’s dragging FILTER along for the ride. 🤣 I bet they’re thrilled to be playing to crowds who are secretly just waiting for Alice in Chains songs. 🤫 The tour starts August 16 in San Diego. Go if you’re into that sort of thing. 🤷♀️ (But maybe just stay home and listen to *Dirt* instead? Just a suggestion 😉)
“I Want Blood” is supposedly Jerry at his “most raw and resolute.” 🙄 Yeah, okay. More like “most middle-aged and trying to stay relevant.” 👴 The Los Angeles Times thinks the songs are “heavy and nuanced.” Kerrang! calls it a “thunderous solo album.” 😂 Okay, guys, calm down. It’s not *that* good. Revolver magazine, bless their little hearts, even put Jerry on the cover and said he’s still creating “memorable rock hooks.” 🤔 Maybe they’re just being nice? I mean, I wouldn’t want to be on Jerry’s bad side. 😬
You can buy “I Want Blood” on CD, digitally, and on vinyl. 💿💻💽 There’s even a deluxe spoken-word edition featuring Jerry talking about…stuff. 🗣️ And contributions from a bunch of other people you’ve probably never heard of. 🤷♀️ There’s also an animated video series by Boy Tillekens. 🤷♂️ I’m sure it’s…artistic. 🎨 (Or maybe just really weird. 🤔 Jury’s still out.)
Jerry already kicked off his “I Want Blood” tour back in January, with FILTER opening. 🎤 I bet the bartenders at those shows made a killing. 🍻 (Gotta numb the pain somehow, right? 😂)
Remember “Brighten,” Jerry’s last solo album? Yeah, me neither. 😴 It came out in 2021. It was his first project without Alice in Chains in 19 YEARS! 😱 What was he doing all that time? 🤔 Probably just hanging out, waiting for the royalties to roll in. 🤑
Besides his solo stuff, Jerry’s also done music for movie soundtracks. 🎬 He’s worked on “Spider-Man,” “The Cable Guy,” “John Wick 2,” “Last Action Hero,” and “The Punisher.” 🦸♂️ I guess he’s trying to appeal to all demographics? 🤔 (Or maybe he just needed the money? 🤷♀️)
Alice in Chains is still a thing, apparently. 🤷♀️ They got a new singer, William DuVall, back in 2006. And they released an album called “Rainier Fog” in 2018. 🌧️ I bet Layne Staley is rolling in his grave. 🪦 (Just kidding! …Mostly. 😉)
Here’s the “I Want Blood” music video. ⬇️ Watch it if you dare. 😈 (But don’t say I didn’t warn you. 🤪)
Honestly, Jerry, just stick to playing the old Alice in Chains songs. 🙏 That’s what everyone *really* wants to hear anyway. 🎶 And maybe consider a duet with Nickelback? 🤔 Just throwing it out there. 🎤🎸
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
