Scholars Discover Judas Iscariot Didn’t Like Dogs, Was ‘More Of A Cat Person’
CHICAGO, IL — Textual analysis of ancient Biblical-era manuscripts by a group of University of Chicago professors has just revealed…
Month: February 2025
Scientists Confirm Shingleback Lizards Only Reptiles That Mate For Sake Of Aging Mothers
Read MoreThe OnionITHACA, NY—Noting that the evolutionary quirk results in plenty of familial strife, herpetologists at Cornell University confirmed Tuesday…
Hideo Kojima Lost in the Marvel Cinematic Maze – Marvel to Film a 10-Episode Explanation 📽️😂
Legendary game designer Hideo Kojima, the mastermind behind Death Stranding and Metal Gear Solid, has found himself trapped in the…
Church Members Curious Where Pastor’s Reference To 1997’s ‘Anaconda’ Is Going
SPRINGFIELD, MO — A congregation sat in suspense during the Sunday morning service over the weekend, as church members grew…
House Hunters Episode Derailed After BlackRock Buys All 3 Properties
ORANGE, CA — A new episode of HGTV’s House Hunters was derailed yesterday after BlackRock quickly purchased all three of…
Virtually Imperceptible Facial Expression Sends Shock Wave Through ‘White Lotus’ Fan Base
Read MoreThe OnionNEW YORK—With thousands flocking to social media to discuss a scene from the popular HBO series in which…
Trump Fired After Forgetting To Reply To Elon’s Email
WASHINGTON, D.C. — America’s new golden age came screeching to an unexpected halt today, as news broke that President Donald…
Elon Musk Holds Office-Wide Contest To Guess How Many Sperm In Cup
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an attempt to raise morale by providing a fun yet challenging activity for employees of the U.S.…
Matt Walsh Current Frontrunner For Next Pope
VATICAN CITY — As the world waited to hear more about the condition of the ailing Pope Francis, rumors circulated…
KFC Leaves Kentucky
Read MoreThe OnionKFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, is leaving its namesake state, moving its corporate headquarters to Plano,…