So, Page Hamilton, bless his heart 🙄, is STILL yapping about “Betty.” Apparently, some South American folks are gonna get subjected to the “Betty” 30th-anniversary tour. Because, you know, everyone was clamoring for that. 🙄 The setlist will include “Betty” (duh!) and “favorites” from their… *checks notes* …extensive catalog. I’m sure the 12 people who still listen to Helmet are thrilled. 😂
Pagey-boy, in a chat with Rocktambulos (who? 🤔), was quoted saying that “Betty” is, like, totally influential, man. Some engineer in Germany uses it to “tune the system.” Right, because nothing says precision audio engineering like a Helmet album. 🤣 And some Aussie art students thought the cover was “subversive.” Subversive? More like aggressively beige. 🤷♂️
He goes on to say (because he’s humble, you see) that people *tell him* “Betty” is a classic. He’s not patting himself on the back, no siree! But he DOES like that people like it, because back in the day, some folks were all, “This isn’t ‘Meantime’!” To which Page, in his infinite wisdom, retorted, “Well, we *did* ‘Meantime’! We don’t wanna do ‘Meantime’ again!” Groundbreaking stuff, really. 🤯 It’s so gratifying that, 30+ years later, people think “Betty” is their best album. “That cracks me up,” he says. We’re all laughing with you, Page. 🤣
Now, about playing “Betty” live… Pagey says it takes guts to challenge your fans. Because, apparently, subjecting them to an entire album of… *that* is some kind of artistic Everest. 🙄 He then veers off into a jazz tangent, talking about improvisation and “Beautiful Love” (which, let’s be honest, no one remembers). It’s all about structure and chord changes and keeping it interesting. Like a conversation! A really boring, monotone conversation. 😴
The beauty of playing “Betty” live, according to Page, is that he gets to play guitar solos and improvise. Every night will be different! The “Sam Hell” solo in Argentina will be different than the one in São Paulo! Riveting stuff, I tell you! 🙄 He doesn’t know what it’s like for the other guys, but they “really love playing together.” Sure, Page, sure. They’re just thrilled to be reliving the glory days of… *checks notes again* …the mid-90s. 🙄
He even admits to having “occasional conflicts” with the drummer, Kyle, because drummers like to “lay back” (lazy bums!), but in Helmet, you have to be “on top of the beat.” It has to feel like it’s speeding up, even though it’s not! It’s a “jazz thing,” you see. Yeah, Page, we totally get it. You’re basically Miles Davis with a drop-D tuning. 🙄
Oh, and Helmet has a *new* album called “Left.” Released in November 2023. Did anyone notice? 🤔 Probably not. But it’s out there, lurking in the digital ether, waiting to be… ignored.
Apparently, after the “critically acclaimed” (says who?) “Dead To The World” (2016!), Helmet is back with their “signature blend” of heavy, riff-loaded rock and evocative lyrics. “Time for your holiday serial murder / How time slips away,” resonate the opening lines of “Holiday.” Deep. So deep. 🙄 They take no prisoners in their “direct and unfiltered expression.” Except maybe the prisoners of boredom. 😴
“Left” sees Helmet – Page, Kyle, Dan, and Dave – carve out a musical landscape that is “taut, muscular, and direct.” Page’s guitar lines sound like “downed power lines arcing to exploding resistors in shortwave radios.” Sounds painful. 😬 Every snare crack hits like gunfire, every solo is a “manifestation of rabies-induced psychosis.” So basically, it’s the same Helmet album they’ve been making for 30 years, but with more rabies. 🤪
The album was guided by Page, Jim Kaufman, and Mark Renk, and mastered by Howie Weinberg. The 11 songs are “leaner and meaner” than previous “aural throwdowns.” “Left” is powered by “unbridled determination,” a “renewed sense of purpose,” and a desire to create more new dialects within the musical.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
