Breaking News! Chris Jericho, the Esteemed Thespian of Metal (and Wrestling), Drops Some Knowledge Bombs (and Maybe a Body Slam) 🤘
In a recent earth-shattering interview with Sylvia Alvarado of KOMP 92.3 (because, let’s be honest, who *doesn’t* hang on Sylvia’s every word?), Chris Jericho, the multifaceted mastermind behind FOZZY (you know, the band that definitely isn’t just a wrestling side hustle), revealed the shocking truth: wrestling… *wait for it*… helps with songwriting! 🤯 Who would’ve thunk?!
“Yes,” Jericho declared, presumably while adjusting his perfectly coiffed hair, “being a lead singer is like being a storyteller, a party host, and a benevolent dictator all rolled into one!” He even admitted to stealing… err, *borrowing* inspiration from rock gods like Paul Stanley (who, let’s be real, is basically a cartoon character anyway) and David Lee Roth (because spandex and high kicks are *exactly* what metal needs more of).
Jericho went on to explain that when he was a wee lad of 19 or 20, he wasn’t the beefiest dude in the wrestling ring. So, naturally, he compensated by developing a personality so HUGE it could eclipse the sun. He took this strategy directly from rock frontmen, cleverly reverse-engineering the rockstar persona *back* into rock when he formed FOZZY. Groundbreaking stuff, people. Nobel Prize worthy, I say! 🏆
“You are playing a character when you go on stage,” Jericho pontificated, probably while flexing in the mirror. “Alice Cooper does it, Ozzy does it. Paul Stanley IS a character!” So basically, Jericho is saying that all the greats are just faking it till they make it. Which, honestly, explains a lot about modern music. 🤔
But wait, there’s more! Jericho, in his infinite wisdom, decided to drop some truth bombs about AC/DC. “People say AC/DC isn’t larger than life? Please! Angus Young in a schoolboy suit? That’s the GIMMICK!” he exclaimed, as if revealing the secrets of the Illuminati. So, there you have it, folks. AC/DC is a gimmick band. Who knew? (Everyone, probably.) 🙄
Jericho, never one to shy away from self-promotion, then went on to praise THE STRUTS and Luke Spiller, comparing him to a reincarnation of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury. Because, you know, subtlety is for losers. And who doesn’t love a good dose of hyperbole? 🤪
In conclusion, Jericho wants you to know that rock and roll and wrestling are basically the same thing: show business. And the key to success in both is to be as over-the-top and obnoxious as possible. Got it? Good. Now go buy FOZZY’s new single, “Fall In Line,” or face the wrath of Y2J! 😈
In other news, FOZZY’s “2025th Anniversary Tour” (yes, you read that right) is currently ravaging the nation, supported by LILIAC and THE NOCTURNAL AFFAIR. So, if you’re into mediocre metal and the lingering scent of hairspray, be sure to check it out! 🤮
FOZZY’s latest single, “Fall In Line,” is out now via Madison Records. It’s produced by Johnny Andrews, who, apparently, is contractually obligated to work with every band ever. 😴
Their last album, “Boombox,” featured “I Still Burn,” which has, like, a million views on YouTube. (Which, in internet terms, is basically the equivalent of your grandma liking your Facebook post.) It also included the Top 10 singles “Nowhere To Run” and “Sane.” (Spoiler alert: neither of those songs will actually make you run anywhere or feel sane.) 🤪
Remember when FOZZY toured with UGLY KID JOE? Yeah, me neither. 🤷♀️
And let’s not forget the great drummer swap of 2022, when Frank Fontsere was replaced by Grant Brooks. Apparently, Frank wanted to spend more time with his family, which is code for “I couldn’t take any more of Jericho’s ego.” ✌️
So, there you have it. The definitive guide to all things FOZZY. Now go forth and spread the word… or, you know, just listen to some actual good music. Your choice. 😉
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
