OMG! 😱 Kerry King spills the tea ☕ (or should we say tequila 🍹) on why Slayer’s still kicking (or barely shuffling) after their “farewell” tour! Turns out, it’s all about Tom Araya being a total buzzkill 🙄. #SlayerDrama #KerryKingRules #TomArayaIsOverParty (jk… maybe 😈)
So, Kerry “King of the Riffs” King sat down with some Brazilian dude from Cucamonga (is that even a real place? 🤔) and dished on the real reason Slayer almost stayed dead. Apparently, Jeff Hanneman’s death hit Tom harder than a double bass drum solo to the face. 🤕 Kerry, ever the sensitive soul, said it didn’t affect him *as much*. No, not in a friendship way, just, ya know, Tom was being all emo about it. 😭
Kerry thinks Tom’s existential crisis over Jeff’s passing is why he wanted to retire early. But then, BAM! Out of nowhere, Tom’s like, “Hey, let’s play some shows!” 🙄 Kerry, being the ever-so-accommodating bandmate, was like, “Sure, why not? I never wanted to stop anyway. It’s not like I’m gonna say no to a payday💰.”
And get this, folks: Kerry and Tom? Still don’t talk on the phone! 📞❌ Apparently, 40 years of shredding together wasn’t enough to build a meaningful relationship. They’re like that divorced couple who only see each other at their kid’s graduation. Awkward! 😬 Kerry says Tom’s changed, man. He’s not the same dude he started the band with. Probably stopped drinking enough beer and started caring about, like, *feelings* or something. 🤮
But hey, they’re “cool.” They even had a tequila shot 🥃 after a show! Bonding over booze, just like the good old days. And Kerry’s super stoked about playing that Black Sabbath show in Birmingham. I mean, who wouldn’t be? It’s not like Ozzy’s voice is gonna get *better* with age. 😂
Oh, and let’s not forget about Jeff Hanneman’s unfortunate run-in with a spider. 🕷️ Turns out, necrotizing fasciitis is a real b*tch. It ravaged his arm like a Slayer mosh pit on steroids. Poor guy went through hell before finally succumbing to… wait for it… alcohol-related cirrhosis of the liver. 🍺 Irony much? 🤣
But back to the real drama: Kerry vs. Tom! 🥊 Turns out, they’ve been on different pages since day one. Chocolate vs. vanilla, blue sky vs. white sky. It’s like they’re living in parallel universes. 🌌 Kerry even admits that their political differences played a role in the split. Remember that time Tom posted about Trump on Slayer’s official Instagram? 🤦♂️ Kerry was NOT happy. “Dude, that’s what your personal social media is for! You’re making us all look like we support that idiot!” 😂
And the best part? Kerry and Tom hadn’t spoken a word since their “farewell” tour in 2019. Not even a text! 📱 Ghosts, much? 👻 But hey, Kerry doesn’t wish him dead… *at this moment*. Savage! 🔥
So, there you have it, folks. The real reason Slayer is back (for now). It’s all thanks to Tom’s mid-life crisis, a shared love of tequila, and Kerry King’s undying need to shred faces. 🤘#Slayer #Metal #Drama #Tequila #KerryKing #TomAraya #JeffHanneman #SpiderBite #Trump #Cucamonga #WTF 🤣😂😱🤘💰🍺🔥
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
