So, apparently, some artsy-fartsy types over at Moviefone think “The Legend of Ochi” is worth a whopping 7.5 out of 10 stars. 🙄 I mean, who are they kidding? Did they get paid by A24 to write this fluff piece? Probably. Anyway, the movie allegedly invites you into a world of creatures, heroes, and some age-old conflict, because, you know, originality is overrated. Oh, and there’s a friendship that’s supposed to heal a “splintered family.” Sounds like a therapy session disguised as a film. 😴
First-time director Isaiah Saxon (who? 🤔) apparently asked himself, “What if A24 let someone make a 1980s family film, but like, make it artsy and weird?” And thus, “The Legend of Ochi” was born. Or, more accurately, regurgitated from the cinematic dumpster of uninspired ideas.
Will this movie make you want to preserve it? Probably not. Unless you’re a collector of cinematic oddities or have a penchant for movies that try way too hard to be “unique.” Then, by all means, knock yourself out. 🤷♀️
The film is set in some tiny, remote village on the island of Carpathia in the Black Sea. Because, you know, exotic locales automatically make a movie good. Right? Right?! 🤪
Saxon, bless his heart, apparently “cooked up something unique” by shamelessly ripping off Amblin creature features from the 80s and the “stylistically challenging” (read: pretentious) work of Spike Jonze and Michel Gondry. Oh, and there’s a “hint” of Wes Anderson too, but without the “rigid dedication to framing and design.” So basically, they took a bunch of random ingredients, threw them in a blender, and hoped for the best. 🤢
But hey, at least the filmmaker “injected plenty of his own heart and feeling into the movie.” Which probably means it’s overly sentimental and emotionally manipulative. Just what we all wanted! 😭
The screenplay apparently leans “less on dialogue and more on emotion and instinct.” Translation: the dialogue is probably terrible, so they decided to minimize it. Clever move. 👏 We get Willem Dafoe’s “bluster,” Helena Zengel’s “frustration and wonder,” and Emily Watson’s “straightforward pragmatism.” Because, you know, actors can only portray one emotion at a time. 🙄
The story is about Yuri and her “budding friendship” with the sweet baby Ochi. Because nothing says “originality” like a kid befriending a magical creature. 🙄 The story is a “basic one,” but it has “so much of its own personality that it works.” Translation: it’s derivative, but they’re hoping you’re too dumb to notice. 😇
Apparently, Saxon “shines” in direction, collaborating with the cinematographer and production designer to create a “world of his own.” Which probably means it’s visually cluttered and headache-inducing. 😵💫 It’s a “fairytale crossed with a bleak Eastern European drama,” but don’t worry, it’s “far from a depressing tale.” So, it’s just mildly depressing then? 🤔
Helena Zengel, who was in “News of the World” with Tom Hanks (remember that movie? No? Exactly.), is “committed” as Yuri. Because, you know, actors are always 100% committed to every role they take. Especially when they’re being paid. 💰 Yuri is “desperate for acceptance” and listens to heavy metal music. Because nothing says “outsider” like a character who listens to music. Groundbreaking! 🤘
Willem Dafoe “fully portrays the blowhard character of Maxim.” I’m sure it’s a real stretch for him to play a blowhard. 😂 He’s “clearly enjoying a new period of offbeat roles.” Translation: he’s taking any job he can get. 🤷♂️
Emily Watson “brings her all to Dasha,” a woman who’s withdrawn from the world. Because, you know, characters are always either extroverted or introverted. There’s no in-between. 🙅♀️
The ensemble is “weaved” by the cast. I’m not even sure what that means. 🧶 Maxim’s young soldiers “might not have lines, but add plenty to the movie.” Probably by standing around and looking menacing. 😠
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
