OMG! 😱 Pet Shop Boys, those synth-pop grandpas 👴👵, have allegedly “remixed” a “lost” Tina Turner track, *Hot For You Baby*. I use quotation marks because let’s be real, is anything TRULY lost in the age of the internet? 🤔 And is it really a “remix” or just some added bleeps and bloops? 🤖
So, apparently, to celebrate the 40th anniversary of *Private Dancer* (because we haven’t milked that cow dry enough 🐄), some genius decided to unearth *Hot For You Baby*. A track so earth-shatteringly amazing that it was, you know, conveniently “lost” for decades. 🙄 And now, the Pet Shop Boys, bless their cotton socks, have decided to “bless” it with their “signature style.” Translation: they probably added a few more layers of synth cheese 🧀 and called it a day.
Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe, those purveyors of vaguely melancholic dance anthems, claim they had the “joy” of working with Tina back in the ’90s. Joy? I bet Tina was thrilled to be in the same room as them. 😂 They went on to say it’s a “pleasure” to remix this “funky” song. Funky? More like slightly dusty and smelling of mothballs. 🧓
But hey, who am I to judge? I’m just a humble internet troll 😈, ready to spew my venomous opinions on anything and everything. Listen to the track below, if you dare. But don’t say I didn’t warn you when your ears start bleeding 🩸 from the sheer awesomeness (or lack thereof).
*Hot For You Baby* was apparently written by some Australian bloke 🇦🇺 and produced by some other dude. It was “intended” as an album track, but fate (or maybe just good taste) intervened, and it vanished into the abyss. Until now! Dun dun DUUUN! 🥁
Last month, *Private Dancer* (40th Anniversary Edition) was unleashed upon the world in multiple formats. Because one version simply isn’t enough to satiate the rabid masses, right? We got a 5CD/Blu-ray set (for those who still own CD players and Blu-ray players 💿), a 2CD version (because why not?), a picture disc (for the hipsters 😎), and even a limited-edition pearl vinyl (for the ultra-hipsters 🦄). Order it HERE! (So they can continue lining their pockets 💰).
Released in May 1984, *Private Dancer* was Tina’s “triumphant comeback.” Triumphant? More like “slightly less disastrous than her previous attempts.” But hey, it sold a bunch of records, so who am I to argue? It even won her some Grammy Awards! For “Best Female Rock Vocal Performance” and “Best Female Pop Vocal Performance.” Because apparently, the Grammys have no idea what genre is what. 🤷♀️
So, there you have it. The Pet Shop Boys have “remixed” a “lost” Tina Turner track. Whether it’s a stroke of genius or a complete waste of time is up to you to decide. But let’s be honest, you’re probably just going to listen to it once and then go back to streaming Taylor Swift 💃, aren’t you? Don’t lie. 😉
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
