Hey folks, grab your popcorn and hold on tight, because we’ve got a blockbuster scoop straight from Hollywood! Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, our favorite walking bicep, has played someone other than himself for the first time ever in the movie “The Smashing Machine.”
Yup, you heard that right! Director Benny Safdie, the master of transformations, caked so much makeup on The Rock that when he saw himself in the mirror, he started smashing it like it was an old wrestling rival. In this satirical news piece, we’re diving into how Dwayne Johnson stopped being himself, why mirrors are now terrified of him, and what the heck is going on with this wild film. Key topics for today: Dwayne Johnson, “The Smashing Machine,” Benny Safdie, movie makeup transformations, shocking behind-the-scenes moments, and hilarious on-set stories. Let’s roll with this circus! 🎬
Dwayne Johnson Smashes Mirror Over Makeup! You Won’t Believe His Look in ‘The Smashing Machine’! 🤯
If you thought The Rock was just a mountain of muscles who grins at the camera and says, “I can do anything!”—well, brace yourselves for a shock. In “The Smashing Machine,” he plays Mark Kerr, an MMA fighter whose life is packed with not just victories but a ton of personal drama. To pull this off, Benny Safdie decided that plain old makeup was way too boring. He hired an army of makeup artists who apparently used to work on horror flicks. The result? Dwayne Johnson ended up looking like a cross between a worn-out trucker and a washed-up clown from a forgotten circus. And get this—he didn’t even recognize himself! Every morning, staring into the mirror, he’d yell, “Who the hell is this guy?!”—and then smash it to pieces. The studio has already blown a million bucks on new mirrors, and the makeup crew started wearing bulletproof vests. 😂 Rumor has it even the woke crowd on Twitter is joking that The Rock finally showed his “inner fragility,” though let’s be real, those folks can find drama in a toaster manual.
Now picture this on the set: Dwayne Johnson, caked in makeup, with a face that looks like he’s been fed expired hot dogs for a decade, trying to pull off a serious drama. Benny Safdie, this hipster with a beard who probably just stepped out of a Brooklyn coffee shop, is screaming, “Deeper, Dwayne, show the pain!” And The Rock’s like, “Pain? I’m about to smash another mirror, there’s your pain!” Basically, the filming turned into some absurd stand-up comedy routine. Even the vegans, who usually whine about everything, started petitions to declare mirrors living beings so they’d stop getting smashed. Meanwhile, the fitness bros who worship The Rock are in full meltdown mode—how could their idol “let himself go” like this? Spoiler alert: it’s just makeup, guys, chill out and put down the protein shakes. 💪 Oh, and word on the street is they had to hire a therapist on set so Dwayne would stop seeing an enemy in his reflection. Imagine The Rock on a shrink’s couch: “Doc, I don’t recognize myself, help!” Isn’t this the comedy of the year?
But let’s get serious (or not really): “The Smashing Machine” is shaping up to be a real event. The movie will dive into the brutal world of mixed martial arts, where every punch isn’t just physical but an emotional gut-punch too. Benny Safdie, who’s already proven he can make intense dramas (remember “Uncut Gems”?), clearly set out to squeeze every ounce of emotion from Johnson. And from the buzz, it looks like he succeeded. There’s just one catch: fans of The Rock, used to seeing him as a superman who breaks walls with a glance, might be in for a shock. Social media is already blowing up—some are calling it a “breakthrough,” others a “disgrace.” And we’re just laughing at how bodybuilders in the comments are saying this makeup is an “insult to their subculture.” Seriously, dudes, go lift some weights instead of typing essays online. 😜 The film’s already being tossed around as “Oscar-worthy,” though knowing Hollywood, they’ll probably give an award for most smashed mirrors rather than acting chops.
Speaking of makeup: it’s so insane that even the artists from “Game of Thrones” would be jealous. Word is, it took five hours every day to create the look, while Johnson sat there listening to motivational podcasts to keep from losing it and smashing something else. The end result was a face so unrecognizable that even his own kids, seeing Dad after a shoot, asked, “Mom, who’s this guy?” Can you imagine the level of transformation? Even street dogs stopped recognizing him and started barking like he was a stranger. And in one interview, Dwayne admitted the makeup helped him understand what it’s like to be an “ordinary person.” Sure, Rock, you’re the poster child for “ordinary” with your millions and muscles the size of a truck. 🙄 But seriously, this kind of dedication to a role is pretty impressive. If the movie is even half as good as these behind-the-scenes stories, we’re in for something epic.
And finally, a bit of trolling for everyone. Rom-com fans, are you ready to see The Rock not as the “world’s savior” but as a dude crying over his broken life? And you artsy-fartsy types, stop turning up your noses—yes, it’s mainstream cinema, but it’s got soul, so quit pretending to be highbrow. And of course, The Rock haters who think he can only throw punches—prepare to eat your words, because it looks like he might actually act. Or if not, we’ll at least laugh at him smashing mirrors. In short, “The Smashing Machine” is a film already stirring up emotions, arguments, and, of course, memes. We’re hyped for the premiere to see if it’s worth the hype or just another Twitter punchline. Until then, stock up on mirrors—just in case! 🪞
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
