Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn…
Month: April 2025
🤘 Donald Trump & Kid Rock Take Down Ticket Scalpers: Drastic Measures and a Special “Patriot Tax” 🇺🇸
In a time when scoring concert tickets is like battling a horde of rabid raccoons, Donald Trump and his trusty…
British Man Arrested For Silently Praying For Person Stabbing Him
LONDON — Authorities reported the successful arrest of a 38-year-old man who was caught silently praying for the well-being of…
Theologians Confirm We Are All Made In The Image Of God, Even Steve
U.S. — After weeks of intense theological reflection and debate, an interdenominational group of pastors and scholars has just confirmed…
Netflix Announces Aslan To Be Voiced By Zendaya
LOS GATOS, CA — As anticipation continued to build for the streaming platform’s upcoming reimagining of The Chronicles of Narnia,…
College Campus Tour Ends Inside Unmarked ICE Vehicle
Read MoreThe OnionITHACA, NY—As nearly a dozen prospective students were forced into the back of a car with tinted windows,…
COBRA Extension Lets Terminated Employees Continue Raiding Office Fridge For 18 Months
Read MoreThe OnionMANCHESTER, NH—Saying the option offered an extra safety net to anyone faced with a job loss, administrators at…