Alright gamers, listen up! No Rest for the Wicked, that game that’s trying to be Dark Souls but also Diablo (because why not?), got a “content update” called The Breach. I previewed this thing a YEAR ago, and I’m STILL trying to figure out if it’s actually good or just pretty. Moon Studios seems determined to make this Franken-game work, so let’s see if this “Breach” is a breakthrough or just another pothole on the road to mediocrity. Spoiler alert: it’s probably the latter. 🤷♂️
So, I “waded” through the new content, because apparently walking is too mainstream. This “patch” (they call it a patch, but it’s basically DLC they’re trying to sneak past you) has a bunch of “improvements” and “quality of life updates.” You know, the kind of stuff that should have been in the game at launch? 🙄 But hey, at least Moon Studios is pretending to care. Check out their official site for the full list of changes if you’re a masochist who enjoys reading patch notes. I’m not judging… much.
They call it a “patch,” but it’s more like a full-blown identity crisis. Seriously, it’s got new content, “quality-of-life” improvements (again, stuff that should have been there from the start), performance tweaks (because the game ran like a potato before), and reworks that make it feel… different? Is that a good thing? Who knows! There are too many changes to list here, because I’m lazy and you probably wouldn’t read them anyway.
One of the things that’s supposed to be great about No Rest for the Wicked is its “handcrafted level design.” You know, like someone spent hours meticulously placing rocks and trees instead of letting an algorithm do it in five seconds. The original areas were “intricate,” which is a fancy way of saying “confusing.” The Breach adds two new zones: Lowland Meadows and Marin Woods. They’re supposed to be amazing, but honestly, they probably just look like slightly different shades of brown.
I spent most of my time in Lowland Meadows, where I was immediately swarmed by new enemies. These guys are supposedly “unique and engaging,” but they probably just have slightly different attack patterns and more health. Like before, it takes “patience” to learn and master them. Or you could just spam the dodge button and hope for the best. Whatever works, right? At least they’re not just re-skins of existing enemies. That would be unforgivable!
Of course, there are also new bosses, because what’s a Souls-like without ridiculously difficult encounters that make you want to throw your controller through the TV? One of them is the Lost Huntress, which is apparently a mutated mammoth-dog thing. Sounds terrifying… or hilarious. The encounter took me a “few tries” to beat, which means I probably died a dozen times and screamed obscenities at my monitor. But hey, at least it was “rewarding.” 🙄
The zones are also “distinct aesthetically” and have “verticality,” which means you can climb stuff. Wow, groundbreaking! The landscapes are “breathtaking,” which probably means they look good in screenshots but are actually kind of boring to explore. But hey, Moon Studios is “evolving the level-building without departing from its core design philosophy.” Which is… what, exactly? Making the game as difficult and confusing as possible?
As for the story, The Breach picks up where the original left off, which means it’s probably still incomprehensible. The cutscenes have been “polished,” which means they look slightly less janky than before. They also have “beautiful new music and strong voice acting.” I bet it’s all super deep and meaningful… or maybe it’s just pretentious garbage. Who can tell anymore? I never felt the urge to skip them, because I’m a professional… mostly.
Combat has been “refined” with a new target-lock system. It’s “better and more precise” now, which means it’s probably still not perfect. But hey, at least it’s less frustrating to manage multiple enemies. Because in a game where every encounter could be your last, you want to make sure you can lock onto the right enemy before you get one-shotted.
Moon Studios also added two new weapon types: gauntlets and wands. Gauntlets let you dart in and out of combat, which is great if you like playing as a glass cannon. Wands probably let you shoot magic missiles or something equally generic. I focused on gauntlets, because punching things is always more fun than casting spells. Add some fire to those gauntlets, and you’ve got yourself a party! 🔥
The gearing system has also been “reworked.” Apparently, it’s more “dynamic” now, which means I have no idea how it works. It’s supposed to improve weapon drops, even at lower levels. The old system was “tiered,” which meant you had to grind for hours to get the good stuff. Hopefully, the new system will make loot drops feel more “empowering.” Or maybe it’ll just be a different kind of grind. 🤷♀️
There’s still “much more to explore” in The Breach, including new endgame systems and more “quality-of-life” improvements. I plan to spend many more “sleepless nights” uncovering everything it has to offer. Or maybe I’ll just watch Netflix. Who knows? This update “reaffirms Moon Studios’ commitment” to making No Rest for the Wicked the best it can be. Which is a nice sentiment, but the game is still in Early Access, so who knows if it will ever actually be finished.
Moon Studios “cares” about No Rest for the Wicked. That’s why they keep adding content and tweaking the gameplay. With “many more promising updates coming soon,” I look forward to seeing what the future holds. Or maybe I’ll just give up and play something else. In Early Access, No Rest for the Wicked is a game I “highly recommend”… if you’re into that sort of thing. If not, you can play something else. I’m not your mom. ✌️
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
