Okay, so I guess someone actually remembered Lost in Random. I mean, I reviewed that thing back in 2021 and honestly figured EA would have buried it in a landfill next to the unsold copies of Anthem. But NOPE! They’re back with Lost in Random: The Eternal Die, which is apparently a thing. Color me shocked. I was genuinely expecting them to pull a fast one and release the second game for mobile devices only, so it’s nice to see that they’re not completely out of touch. 🤣
So, apparently, Zoink was too busy counting their money 💰 to bother with this one, so Stormteller Games is now in charge. And Thunderful, who I guess are still around, are just publishing it. Good for them, I guess? I got to “sit down” (virtually, because pandemics are still a thing, duh) with Stormteller and play the game. Spoiler alert: it involves dice. 🎲
But here’s the kicker: Apparently, a “large part of our team” has been working together for a decade. Oh, so you’re telling me you guys have been making games for a decade? Where have you been hiding? I haven’t seen you around. This sounds like PR spin to make us believe they know what they’re doing. 🙄
Now, they’re calling Lost in Random: The Eternal Die a “fast-paced, top-down action roguelike—probably most comparable to Hades.” Okay, hold up. Comparing yourself to Hades is a bold move. Like, “painting yourself gold and jumping into Fort Knox” levels of bold. Are they *actually* good, or are they just trying to get clicks? 🤔 I’m skeptical. Very skeptical.
But hey, they claim this roguelite approach gives them “freedom to experiment.” Ah yes, the classic “we changed the entire game because we felt like it” excuse. Works every time. 🤷♀️
And guess who you play as this time? Queen Alexandria, the *villain* from the first game. Genius! Or maybe they just ran out of ideas. Either way, she’s lost her powers and is now trapped in her own Black Die, fighting the “Mare the Knight” (sounds like a rejected My Little Pony villain). It’s all very dramatic, I’m sure. 🙄
According to the art director, the levels are “reflections of Alexandria’s past, twisted by the villain.” So, basically, therapy in video game form. Sounds… fun? 😬
But what about the gameplay? Well, it’s completely different. Surprise! Instead of the original’s card-based combat, we now have a top-down roguelike. Because originality is overrated, right? They still have magic cards, but now they’re Alexandria’s special ability. You can only hold one at a time, which adds “tension.” Or maybe it’s just annoying. Jury’s still out. 🧑⚖️
And the dice? Now they’re grenades. Because why not? Roll a one, and you tickle the enemy. Roll a six, and you obliterate them. Skill-based gameplay at its finest! 😂
They also have this “new items system” with relics and pearls. You put them on a grid, link matching colors, and get stat boosts. It’s like Tetris, but with more grinding. Sounds thrilling! NOT. 😒
And the visual style? They claim they’re not just ripping off Tim Burton. They’re “developing their own style.” Right. Because adding a few extra colors totally makes it original. I’m convinced. NOT. 🤥
So, Lost in Random: The Eternal Die is coming out in Q2 of 2025. There’s a demo on Steam, if you’re brave enough to try it. But honestly, I’d rather just replay Hades. At least that game is actually good. 💯
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
