OMG! 😱🎸 Orianthi, she of the almost-was-but-not-quite Michael Jackson fame, is dropping a new album called “Some Kind Of Feeling”! Get ready for it to digitally invade your eardrums on June 27th, then physically assault your CD player on August 15th, and finally, if you’re *really* dedicated to living in the past, you can spin it on vinyl starting September 19th. Because who *doesn’t* need another reason to dust off their record player? 👵💿
So, apparently, Orianthi, bless her heart 🙏, actually *produced* three whole tracks on this album: “First Time Blues” (because who needs originality, amirite?), “Ghost” (oooooh, spooky 👻), and “Bad For Each Other” (relatable content, tbh). The *other* seven tracks, including the earth-shattering new single “Attention” (more on that later, folks!), were “produced” by none other than Kevin “The Caveman” Shirley. Yes, *that* “The Caveman” Shirley. The guy who apparently hasn’t evolved past banging rocks together in a studio. 🪨🎶 No offense, Kevin, but maybe update your LinkedIn profile? 🤷♀️
“Attention,” the single that’s supposed to be so 🔥 hot it melts your face off, is available on all streaming platforms *right now*. Go listen to it… if you dare. 😈 And there’s a music video, too! Prepare to be… whelmed. Just whelmed. 😐
The article *dares* to suggest that “Attention” is about an annoying ex-lover who drunk texts her. Groundbreaking! 🙄 But wait, there’s *more*! It’s also about how we, as a society, haven’t given Orianthi *enough* attention over the past 20 years! 😭 Oh, the humanity! We’re constantly reminded of her collaborations with Alice Cooper, Dave Stewart, and Richie Sambora (because, let’s be real, that’s the only reason anyone knows who she is), and the fact that Michael Jackson almost, kinda, maybe hired her before, you know… 💀.
The article then whines about how we need to give her credit for her *own* success, like her Top 20 Billboard hit “According To You” (which, let’s be honest, was catchy… for like, a week) and her gold-selling Geffen album “Believe” (which, let’s be even *more* honest, you probably haven’t heard of). 🤷♂️ Apparently, while she was busy riding the coattails of legends, she also managed to churn out “numerous albums on different labels.” Groundbreaking! 🙄 Someone give this woman a medal 🏅 for sheer persistence!
Apparently, her “prolific streak of stylistically diverse singles in 2024” (I’m sorry, *what*?) is launching a “fresh, adventurous new phase” of her solo career. I’ll believe it when I see it. Until then, I’m going to assume it’s just more of the same: generic rock riffs and vaguely angsty lyrics. 😴
“Attention” is described as a “classic styled power rocker.” Translation: It sounds like every other generic rock song you’ve ever heard. 🎸 It’s produced and mixed by “The Caveman” again, so you know it’s gonna be… well, caveman-esque. 🦍
The lyrics are supposedly about being free from a complicated relationship and living life on her own terms. But let’s be real, it’s probably just another angsty breakup song about how her ex is a terrible person. 💔 She’s “sipping on tequila with someone you knew,” which is obviously code for “I’m trying to make you jealous.” 🙄 The song then devolves into a predictable chorus where she accuses her ex of drunk texting her for “attention.” The irony is truly lost on her. 😂
And of course, no Orianthi song would be complete without a “blazing solo action.” It’s 30 seconds of “wild abandon” and “pure hyperkinetic rock and roll bliss.” Translation: She shreds some notes really fast and hopes you’re impressed. 💨 But hey, at least it gives her a chance to say “I’m so over you!” with her axe, because apparently, words just aren’t enough. 🗣️
The article concludes by saying that Orianthi “reminds us that she’s at the top of her game in every way.” Which is funny, because I didn’t realize she *had* a game. 🤔 She’s “finding fresh, vulnerable yet attitude-filled musical stories to tell.” Translation: She’s writing the same song she’s been writing for the past 20 years, but with slightly different lyrics. ✍️
Here’s the track listing for “Some Kind Of Feeling”:
1. “Attention” (3:48) – The song that’s so good, they had to name the album after a vague feeling. 🤷♀️
2. “Some Kind of Feeling” (4:44) – So original, it’s almost offensive. 🙄
3. “What I’ve Been Looking For” (5:15) – Probably not a decent song, let’s be real.
4. “Sharp Dressed Man” (2:46) – ZZ Top cover? Seriously? 🤦♀️
5. “Ghost” (3:29) – Spooky! 👻 Or just boring? 😴
6. “First Time Blues” (feat. Joe Bonamassa) (3:48) – Featuring Joe Bonamassa because she needs the clout. 🤝
7. “Dark Days Are Gone” (3:43) – Let’s hope so. 🙏
8. “Bad For Each Other” (3:12) – So relatable, it hurts. 💔
9. “Call You Mine” (3:56) – Don’t do it, Orianthi! He’s not worth it! 🙅♀️
10. “Heaven Right Here” (4:12) – Probably not. ☁️
And then there’s a whole bunch of credits that no one cares about. 😴 Seriously, who reads these things? 🤷♀️
Oh, and there are music videos! Prepare to be underwhelmed. Again. 😐
So, there you have it, folks. Orianthi’s new album, “Some Kind Of Feeling.” It’s probably not going to change your life, but hey, at least it’ll give you something to listen to while you’re waiting for the apocalypse. 💀🌎
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
