Oh, look who it is! Mia Sara, the woman who peaked in the ’80s, is back on the red carpet! Yes, the very same Mia Sara from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, because let’s be honest, that’s the only thing anyone remembers her for. Apparently, she’s promoting some new film after a *checks notes* 15-year hiatus. I bet she thought we forgot about her. Well, we almost did. 🙄
The geriatric millennial, I mean, 57-year-old actor, famed for playing Sloane Peterson (the girlfriend with questionable taste in truancy) is dusting off her acting chops. You remember, Sloane, the one who looked perpetually bored even while ditching school with Ferris and Cameron? Classic. She’s back, folks, because Hollywood apparently ran out of fresh faces and decided to raid the crypt. 🧟♀️
She’s gracing the silver screen again in The Life of Chuck, a film so obscure I had to Google it twice to make sure it was real. Apparently, it’s based on a Stephen King novella, because what better way to revive a career than by hopping on the horror bandwagon? 🚂 Mike Flanagan, bless his heart, must have really needed a grandma figure for his movie.
The film, get this, tells the story of Chuck’s life in reverse. Groundbreaking! Tom Hiddleston is playing adult Chuck, because apparently Loki needed a break from world domination to play a regular guy. Sara is playing his grandmother, Sarah Krantz, probably sporting a wig and dentures. Mark Hamill is her husband, Albie. I guess Luke Skywalker needed a new gig after the whole Jedi thing fell through. 👴👵
Sara was last seen in 2011’s Dorothy and the Witches of Oz. Yeah, I don’t remember that either. And a short film in 2013. Riveting. 🎬
She claims she came out of retirement because she’s a huge fan of Flanagan’s Midnight Mass. Sure, Jan. More likely, she saw the residuals check and thought, “Hey, I could use some of that!” 💸
She told *People* magazine, because who else would care?, that Flanagan basically begged her to work again. “Oh, I don’t know,” she allegedly said, playing hard to get. “Well, okay, if you offer me something, I’ll do it.” Translation: “Show me the money!” 💰
Sara, who hails from New York, now lives in a “17th-century farmhouse” in England with Brian Henson, son of Jim Henson. So, she’s basically living the dream of every aging actress: marrying into puppet royalty and hiding in the countryside. 👑
When asked if she’ll keep acting, she said, “Honestly, it really was all about Mike. If Mike needs me, I’ll be there.” Translation: “If another director throws enough money at me, I might consider it.” 🙄
The Life of Chuck hits theaters on June 13. It won some award at the Toronto Film Festival, which probably means it’s either really good or really pretentious. 🤷♀️
Let’s not forget the Ferris Bueller reunion in 2020, where she reminisced about the Ferrari and the Von Steuben Day parade. Ah, the good old days when she was relevant. Simpler times. 🚗💃
The Independent, in its infinite wisdom, wants you to know they’re “the world’s most free-thinking news brand.” Yeah, okay. Just keep churning out these hard-hitting celebrity comeback stories. 📰
So, there you have it, folks. Mia Sara is back. Get ready for the onslaught of “Whatever happened to…” articles. You’ve been warned. ⚠️
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
