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Month: July 2025

Tariffs: The Goldilocks Zone (or How Trump Might Accidentally Nuke the Economy)
Elephant Reads CNN

Tariffs: The Goldilocks Zone (or How Trump Might Accidentally Nuke the Economy)

Big ElephantJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Fake News CNN at it again, folks! They’re trying to downplay President Trump’s HUGE success with these new trade deals.…

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, the drama! On Wednesday, July 23, the man, the myth, the legend (of getting kicked out of MEGADETH), David…

CNN Politics bravely ventures into… Alligator Alcatraz (lol)
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Politics bravely ventures into… Alligator Alcatraz (lol)

Big ElephantJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, the humanity! CNN, never one to miss a chance to bash our glorious nation, is now hyperventilating about “Alligator…

DON BROCO Sells Their Souls to FEARLESS RECORDS, Unleashes Ear-Bleeding ‘Cellophane’
Breaking, Music News

DON BROCO Sells Their Souls to FEARLESS RECORDS, Unleashes Ear-Bleeding ‘Cellophane’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

U.K. rock… juggernauts? 🤣 More like slightly above-average-sized pebbles, DON BROCO, bless their hearts, are apparently “charging” (read: slowly waddling)…

FROM ASHES TO NEW Coughs Up Generic Single ‘New Disease’
Breaking, Music News

FROM ASHES TO NEW Coughs Up Generic Single ‘New Disease’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Ah, FROM ASHES TO NEW, those purveyors of… something or other, are back with a track so profound, so earth-shattering,…

Katie Ledecky, Destroyer of Pools, Back for More Gold (Shocker)
Elephant Reads CNN

Katie Ledecky, Destroyer of Pools, Back for More Gold (Shocker)

Big ElephantJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, look, another “superstar” athlete the liberal media is drooling over. Katie Ledecky, is it? More like Katie “Liberal Agenda”…

University of New Mexico’s Gun Show: One Less Student, Infinite Learning Opportunities
Elephant Reads CNN

University of New Mexico’s Gun Show: One Less Student, Infinite Learning Opportunities

Big ElephantJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, another day, another shooting. You just KNOW it’s those liberal professors at the University of New Mexico filling young…

Frostpunk 2: Now on Consoles, So Your Couch Can Judge Your Terrible City Planning This September
Breaking, Games News

Frostpunk 2: Now on Consoles, So Your Couch Can Judge Your Terrible City Planning This September

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

So, the perpetually freezing faction simulator, Frostpunk 2, is FINALLY crawling its way to consoles. Prepare to warm your thumbs…

HELLOWEEN Drops ‘Universe (Gravity For Hearts)’ – Because Apparently Pumpkins in Space Aren’t Weird Enough on ‘Giants & Monsters’ Album
Breaking, Music News

HELLOWEEN Drops ‘Universe (Gravity For Hearts)’ – Because Apparently Pumpkins in Space Aren’t Weird Enough on ‘Giants & Monsters’ Album

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh great, the geriatric metalheads HELLOWEEN are back to grace us with their presence (and another album we totally asked…

Saudi Arabia’s Grand Plan: Gold Medals and Sky-High Dreams (Literally)
Elephant Reads CNN

Saudi Arabia’s Grand Plan: Gold Medals and Sky-High Dreams (Literally)

Big ElephantJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Another week, another attempt by the sand-covered socialists in the Middle East to distract from their support for terrorism! First,…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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