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Month: July 2025

Abrego Garcia to chill in the slammer for a bit longer, despite Judge pooh-poohing Trump’s “dangerous dude” vibes
Elephant Reads CNN

Abrego Garcia to chill in the slammer for a bit longer, despite Judge pooh-poohing Trump’s “dangerous dude” vibes

Big ElephantJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Another day, another activist judge siding with the criminal element! This time, it’s a pair of Obama appointees in Tennessee…

Trump Gets to Fire People, America Still Exists
Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Gets to Fire People, America Still Exists

Big ElephantJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Oh, the liberal tears are flowing like a river! The Supreme Court, in its infinite wisdom, has allowed our glorious…

Meta, the woke overlord, blesses us with “teen safety” features while vaporizing a measly 635,000 accounts (because they’re totally the real problem)
Elephant Reads CNN

Meta, the woke overlord, blesses us with “teen safety” features while vaporizing a measly 635,000 accounts (because they’re totally the real problem)

Big ElephantJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Oh, the horror! Meta, formerly known as that bastion of leftist propaganda, Facebook, is now pretending to care about the…

ICE CREAM, CELLPHONES, AND FAT CATS: NEWS SO IMPORTANT, YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT
Elephant Reads CNN

ICE CREAM, CELLPHONES, AND FAT CATS: NEWS SO IMPORTANT, YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT

Big ElephantJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Folks, another day, another socialist scare from CNN! They’re trying to distract you from President Trump’s incredible leadership, but we…

Following Death Of Ozzy Osbourne, England Overrun With Millions Of Bats
Babylon Bee

Following Death Of Ozzy Osbourne, England Overrun With Millions Of Bats

FinnJuly 23, 2025

LONDON — BBC News confirmed Wednesday that England is currently being overrun with millions of bats following the passing of…

Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently
The Onion

Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently

FinnJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently appeared first on The Onion.   FinnFinn McFrame,…

10 Ways An AI Wife Is Better Than A Real One
Babylon Bee

10 Ways An AI Wife Is Better Than A Real One

FinnJuly 23, 2025

With the dawn of artificial intelligence wives, you may be asking yourself: which is better? Artificial intelligence, or the real…

Trump Announces He Has Acquired Giant Anime Sword In Japanese Trade Deal
Babylon Bee

Trump Announces He Has Acquired Giant Anime Sword In Japanese Trade Deal

FinnJuly 23, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced the details of a historic trade deal with Japan on Wednesday through which he…

DualSense Gets Schizophrenic: Now Juggles PS5, PC, and Your Toaster
Breaking, Games News

DualSense Gets Schizophrenic: Now Juggles PS5, PC, and Your Toaster

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Oh boy, Sony has graced us with another earth-shattering, life-altering, paradigm-shifting PS5 update! 🙄 Prepare yourselves, peasants, because the DualSense…

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back
Breaking, Movie News

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back

FinnJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Behold! The geriatric rockers of Spinal Tap, back to assault your eardrums and your intelligence, louder (debatable) and older (definitely)…

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Latest posts

  • XANDRIA Finally Decides to Release Some Actual Music Instead of Just Reheating the Same Old Power Ballads for the 12 People Who Still Listen to Symphonic Metal ‘Colours’ Single Dropping Like a Hot Potato From Upcoming ‘Eclipse’ Album Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway
  • ‘Masters of the Universe’ Review: Because Who Needs a Good Reboot Anyway What a Total Masterclass in Mediocrity
  • Lebanon’s problems gonna ruin Trump’s masterplan to crush Iran somehow
  • ACCEPT Drops Earth Shattering Masterpiece ‘Fast As A Shark’ Featuring Random Music Legends They Found In Their Attic PHILIP ANSELMO, KIRK HAMMETT, BILLY SHEEHAN, MIKKEY DEE
  • ICE detainees whine about free lodging at Delaney Hall apparently

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2025
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