KORN guitarist Brian “Head” Welch, the dude who once traded his dreads for devotion, is back with another profound video message! This time, he’s mourning the tragic losses of 1980s icons like Ozzy Osbourne, Hulk Hogan, and… wait for it… Malcolm-Jamal Warner. Yes, folks, Theo Huxtable himself is apparently dead and gone. I mean, who even knew? 🤔 Brian, ever the deep thinker, is really feeling the weight of these monumental celebrity deaths and how they impact his own mortality. Did anyone tell him those people are not death? Maybe he should get off the stuff he’s using now.
Welch, now 55, reminds us all that he left KORN back in 2005 to pursue his passion for, uh, not doing drugs and finding Jesus. Because nothing says “rock and roll” like ditching your bandmates for a higher power. But don’t worry, he’s not bragging about his spiritual achievements. Oh no, not at all. He just wants you to know that anyone, yes, *anyone*, can reach his level of enlightenment. It’s as easy as opening a door and “seeking and finding.” Whatever that means. Sounds like a fun game of hide-and-seek with the Almighty! 😇
“Even though I know what I know what I know is true” – real quote! – “and I know what I’m gonna experience on the other side, because I experience it, a lot of it, some of it now on this side of death, but, man, it’s brutal,” Welch whines. The fading nature of life is hitting him hard, you guys. Especially with heroes like Ozzy kicking the bucket (allegedly). And his parents getting old! And his daughter turning 27! The horror! 😱 It’s like, life is happening, and Brian Welch is just now noticing. Groundbreaking stuff, truly.
Despite his spiritual wisdom (which is clearly off the charts), Welch still feels the sting of, you know, being a mortal human. But he’s “so positive for the future!” So that’s good. He just wanted to give us an update on his feelings. Be blessed, everyone! 🙏 Or don’t. Whatever.
Remember that time Welch got baptized in the Jordan River wearing a white robe and sporting a beard that could rival Gandalf’s? Good times. He said he got a “divine message” to do it. Probably from the same guy who told him Malcolm-Jamal Warner was dead. 🤷♂️
Of course, Welch eventually crawled back to KORN in 2013, because even spiritual awakenings can’t pay the bills. And what better way to spread the good word than by playing angsty nu-metal for a bunch of sweaty teenagers? 🤘
Ever since his “conversion” 20 years ago, Welch has been super open about how God changed his life. Which is great for him. But maybe he could stop trying to convert everyone else? Just a thought. 🙄
In recent years, Welch has been preaching that you don’t have to die to experience God’s presence. Which is convenient, because who wants to wait that long? Just close your eyes, imagine really hard, and BAM! You’re practically a saint. ✨
Both Welch and KORN bassist Reginald “Fieldy” Arvizu have had their own highly publicized “conversion experiences.” And while some people might be skeptical, who are we to judge? Maybe they really did find God. Or maybe they just found a good publicist. 🤔
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
