CORROSION OF CONFORMITY, bless their hearts, have FINALLY crawled out of their beer-soaked slumber and completed recording the sequel to the earth-shattering, life-altering, Grammy-deserving “No Cross No Crown” (said no one ever). Get ready for more riffs that sound suspiciously like other riffs! 🍻
On Saturday (August 16, 2025 – mark your calendars, folks, this is HISTORY in the making!), CORROSION OF CONFORMITY, in their infinite wisdom, shared a photo of guitarists Woody Weatherman and Pepper Keenan. Accompanying this visual masterpiece was a rambling message for all the “freethinkers and beer drinkers” (because apparently, you can’t enjoy sludge metal without a cold one). They claim Woody and Pepper have birthed “one of the most meaningful and powerful records we have ever been a part of.” Yeah, right. Probably just more of the same old COC formula. 😴
They go on to thank a whole host of characters, including Stanton Moore, Bobby Rock, and the mysterious Mr. Warren Riker. Apparently, Riker is some kind of sound wizard who magically transforms their noise into something vaguely listenable. And get this: he *never* told them to turn down! What a saint! 🙏 Clearly, quality control was not a priority. They also mention a bunch of other unnamed folks who helped make this sonic masterpiece possible. You know, the roadies, the beer suppliers, the guy who holds the cables… the unsung heroes.🎸
“Thank you all …see you on the horizon,” they bleat. Probably at some dive bar near you, playing to a crowd of, like, seven people. 🎤
“Oh yeah .. It’s a double album.” Because one helping of COC’s musical mediocrity is clearly not enough. Twice the filler, half the thrills! 💿💿
“FOREVER AMPLIFIED. COC”. More like FOREVER OVERRATED. 🙄
Here’s the kicker: some of the guitar tracks were recorded at Barry Gibb‘s private studio in Miami! Yes, THAT Barry Gibb, of the BEE GEES. Apparently, COC and disco royalty have more in common than we thought. Maybe we’ll get a Bee Gees cover on this new album! Stayin’ Alive… but with more distortion! 🕺🪩
On July 20, CORROSION OF CONFORMITY posted a photo of Keenan and Gibb. They gush about stumbling upon a band called KILL THE ROBOT (who?) and being blown away by the production. Turns out, it was the work of Stephen Gibb, Barry‘s son, who apparently dabbles in the dark arts of heavy music. He’s previously played with BLACK LABEL SOCIETY and CROWBAR. Talk about a mixed bag! 👨🎤
Enter Warren Riker, the aforementioned sound wizard. He recorded the original ‘Stare Too Long’ (a COC song so forgettable, you probably had to Google it) and produced two DOWN albums. Connections, connections! 🤝
So, COC finagled an invite to record at Barry Gibb‘s dream studio. They “stole the gas money,” loaded up the U-Haul (classy!), and headed to Miami. Apparently, recording in a disco legend’s lair took them to “another level.” What level? Probably the level of cheese usually reserved for 80s power ballads. 🧀
They’re “forever grateful” to Barry Gibb for sharing his world with them. Never in their wildest dreams did they think they’d be tracking guitars with the “Staying Alive Strat” in the same room. No “Jive Talkin’,” they swear! They’re humbled and thankful. Maybe Barry gave them some tips on writing catchy hooks. Or maybe he just wondered what the hell these long-haired weirdos were doing in his studio. 🤔
“Stay tuned! The new COC record is a monster!!” they promise. More like a mildly irritating gremlin. 👹
“See yall next tour with Alice [Cooper] and the mighty [JUDAS] PRIEST.” Wow, talk about riding coattails! COC, opening for legends? Someone’s gotta sell the merch, I guess. 🛒
In other news, CORROSION OF CONFORMITY recruited Bobby Landgraf, a onetime DOWN guitarist and current PANTERA bass tech, to fill in on bass. Apparently, finding a permanent bassist is harder than writing a decent song. 🤷♂️
Remember Mike Dean, the founding bassist? Yeah, he quit back in September 2024. Said he wanted to focus on “his own ideas.” Ouch! Guess he couldn’t handle another album of Pepper and Woody‘s “meaningful and powerful” riffs. 💥
He said it was hard to collaborate with bandmates who live “hundreds of miles away.” Translation: “I’m tired of driving to bumf*ck nowhere to play the same old songs with these guys.” 🚗
He wants to create new music “with more alacrity and with more of an emphasis on my own ideas.” Good luck with that, buddy! 🍀
Woody and Pepper offered a statement full of corporate-speak and empty platitudes. They “support Dean‘s future endeavors” and are “thankful for the music made.” But don’t worry, folks, the COC train keeps chugging along! All aboard the mediocrity express! 🚂
They promise the new COC recording is “well underway” and will be released in 2025. Hold your breath… or don’t. 💨
They end with the usual “much love and respect to all the free thinkin’ beer drinkin’ friends and fans worldwide.” Because without those seven die-hards, they’re just “growing deaf in a garage.” So true! 🙉
Oh, and Stanton Moore is back! Because apparently, COC can’t function without a revolving door of drummers. 🥁
Let’s not forget Reed Mullin, the original drummer, who sadly passed away in 2020. He’s probably spinning in his grave at the thought of COC recording in Barry Gibb‘s studio. 👻
And finally, a reminder that Pepper was in DOWN for, like, ever. He came back to COC in 2014 because… reasons? Maybe he ran out of money. 💸
They recorded “No Cross No Crown” in forty days. Forty days of riffs, sweat, and probably a whole lot of beer. Cheers to that! 🍻
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
