The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Sydney Sweeney
Sydney Sweeney, star of the new boxing film Christy, is once again at the center of controversy after the…
Day: November 13, 2025
Liberal’s Emotional Support Dog Gets Emotional Support Dog
SEATTLE — Jenny McCoy, a local bookstore clerk with deep anxiety over climate change, reportedly transferred so much of…
‘No! Not Larry Summers!’ Wails Devastated Nation
WASHINGTON—Responding to recent revelations suggesting the prominent economist was a close associate of the late child sex trafficker Jeffrey…
Tucker Carlson Builds Time Machine To Kill Baby Churchill
WOODSTOCK, ME — On a mission to set right the great wrongs perpetrated upon the world during World War…
BREAKING: Old Dude From Whitesnake Finally Realizes He’s Old, Quits
OMG! 😱 David Coverdale, the dude who basically invented hairspray and skintight jeans, has officially retired! 👴🎸 Say it ain’t…
Oklahoma Guv Pulls Epic Save on Death Row Dude Like a Boss
Another day, another Democrat soft on crime! Oklahoma’s Governor Stitt, probably listening to the radical left, just saved a cold-blooded…
Justice Gorsuch to Bless Young Minds with Declaration of Independence Bedtime Story
Another day, another Deep State plot revealed! Justice Gorsuch, a true patriot, is writing a children’s book about the Declaration…
Wildgate’s “Massive” Update: New Game Modes, a Character (Maybe), and More (Probably Not)
Okay, so Wildgate, the game that promised to be the next big thing but is probably just gonna be another…
OpenAI, Microsoft, and the Fuzz: AI Safety Task Force Assembled
Oh, the horror! Now the woke mob is coming for our AI! Can’t these liberals leave anything alone? It’s always…
Blu-Ray Review – Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale (Finally!)
Ah, Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale. Because what the world REALLY needed was MORE Crawley family drama. Because apparently, we…