“I Have Reservations,” Said No Epstein Survivor Ever, Reacting to Trump Finally Doing Something Right for Once | CNN (Satire)
Oh, the delicate snowflakes at CNN are at it again! Apparently, if you don’t trust your coworker, it’s just a…
Month: November 2025
Fortnite Next Season: Quentin Tarantino’s Unfinished Symphony of Destruction (Probably With More Dancing)
🤡 Hold onto your hats, folks, because the cinematic masterpiece that is Kill Bill is about to get the Fortnite…
Boogie Nights in 4K: Because You Haven’t Seen Enough Fake Penises
Wow, hold onto your hats, folks! Boogie Nights, that cinematic masterpiece (or, you know, just a movie) from 1997 by…
The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping Gets a Teaser Trailer (Finally, Something to Distract Us From Reality)
Oh, great, another Hunger Games movie 🙄. Because we *totally* needed more dystopian teen angst in our lives. Lionsgate, bless…
Breaking: Blind Guardian Bravely Stumbles Through North America in 2025, Kicking Off Tour in Fort Lauderdale Because Why Not
OMG! 😱 The geriatric German power metallers BLIND GUARDIAN, bless their little hobbit hearts, 👴👵 actually dared to kick off…
Ulver Just Dropped a ‘Neverland’ Album and a Single Called ‘Weeping Stone’ – Prepare for Maximum Existential Dread
ULVER, those lovable trolls from Norway 🇳🇴, are gracing us with “Weeping Stone”, a single so profound it’ll make you…
Hirsute Yourself
      The post Hirsute Yourself appeared first on The Onion.    The post Hirsute Yourself appeared first on The Onion. Read More…
Trump Threatens to Unleash the Kraken (aka Fire Bessent) if Fed Doesn’t Obey His Royal Interest Rate Demands
Fake News CNN is at it again, twisting President Trump’s words! Our glorious leader, in his infinite wisdom, is just…
Epstein Files: Prepare for Disappointment Despite Politicians Pretending to Care
Well, folks, the swamp creatures in Congress *finally* passed a bill to release the Epstein files. You know, the ones…
CNN Reports: Despite MAGA Tears, US Latino Population Still Partying and Growing
CNN is at it again, folks! This time, they’re pushing the narrative that Latino identity is at a “turning point”…