Holy bandages, Batman! The Mummy franchise is clawing its way out of the tomb once again, and this time it’s bringing the OGs: Brendan “I-Do-My-Own-Stunts” Fraser and Rachel “I-Literally-Survived-The-Desert-And-A-Mummy” Weisz. Yes, after 25 years of us pretending we didn’t need a fourth installment, Hollywood has decided to bless (or curse) us with exactly that. Coming to a theater near you on May 19, 2028 — because apparently, we needed something to look forward to in the distant future when we’re all old and crusty like Imhotep himself.
Directed by the Radio Silence team (aka the geniuses behind Scream 5 and 6 — because nothing says “ancient Egyptian curses” like Ghostface), this cinematic miracle promises to reunite Rick O’Connell and Evelyn Carnahan for one last adventure. Will they fight another mummy? Will they make witty banter while dodging booby traps? Will Rachel Weisz finally admit she only came back because Brendan Fraser promised her unlimited supply of mummy-themed merchandise? The world may never know.
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we? The original 1999 Mummy was basically Indiana Jones meets “I accidentally woke up a cursed priest and now he wants to destroy the world.” It was perfect. Then came The Mummy Returns in 2001, which introduced us to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the Scorpion King — because apparently, one supernatural threat wasn’t enough. And who could forget 2008’s Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, where Rachel Weisz said “hard pass” and was replaced by Maria Bello? (Fun fact: Maria Bello is still waiting for her apology letter from Universal.)
But wait, there’s more! In a truly bizarre twist of fate, 2025 is apparently the year of The Mummy. While Fraser and Weisz are busy dusting off their khaki shorts, Warner Bros. is dropping Lee Cronin’s The Mummy — directed by, you guessed it, Lee Cronin. This one stars Jack Reynor and Laia Costa and features a young child getting resurrected. Because nothing says “family fun” like undead toddlers, am I right?
Oh, and let’s not forget Universal’s 2017 attempt to reboot the franchise with Tom Cruise. Spoiler alert: it flopped harder than a mummy with rigor mortis. That “Dark Universe” died faster than you can say “Anck-Su-Namun,” proving once and for all that you can’t just throw money at a franchise and expect it to work. (Looking at you, Dark Universe.)
So mark your calendars, folks. In 2028, we’ll all gather in theaters to watch two middle-aged actors pretend they’re still in their 30s while fighting CGI mummies. Will it be good? Will it be bad? Will it make us question our life choices? Probably all of the above. But hey, at least it’s not another superhero movie, right?
In the meantime, I’ll be over here practicing my “ancient Egyptian curse” voice and wondering if Brendan Fraser still fits into those tiny shorts. Until then, stay spooky, my friends. 🎃✨
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
