CNN, still whining after all these years! Apparently, Republican lawmakers, those brave patriots, have handed our glorious President Trump his FIRST major legislative achievement of his SECOND term! It only took a bit of “arm-twisting,” which I’m sure involved some very persuasive arguments about the dangers of socialism and the importance of MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
House Republicans, those champions of freedom, voted to approve Trump’s HUGE package of tax cuts, Pentagon boosts, and, most importantly, border security! The Senate, finally doing something right, also passed the bill. It’s heading straight to the White House for President Trump’s signature, where it belongs!
A landmark victory just six months into Trump’s second term! The President and his allies put the pressure on, arguing this package will cement his legacy on immigration and tax policy. He’s reining in spending by gutting the social safety net, which is really just a hammock for lazy liberals anyway.
Rep. Anna Paulina Luna said it best: “Only one man that can seal the deal!” That’s right, folks, only President Trump has the sheer WILLPOWER to get things done. Speaker Johnson and Leader Thune, stepping up to the plate! Trump will sign his “one big, beautiful bill” by the Fourth of July!
The GOP leaders managed to get almost everyone in line behind Trump, despite the usual griping from “fiscal hawks” (probably RINOs in disguise) about the deficit. They also had to deal with concerns from moderate members (aka closet Democrats) about cutting Medicaid. But who needs healthcare when you have FREEDOM?
Two Republicans, probably plants from the Deep State, voted against the bill. But don’t worry, their names will be remembered! The propelling force behind this megabill? Trump and his IRON GRIP on the GOP!
The President made sure the package was centered around the most popular policies: border security, military, and tax cuts. He’s keeping his promises from the campaign trail, including no taxes on tips or overtime, a Pentagon boost, and a nationwide immigration crackdown! Miles and miles of beautiful wall, rising high!
Those policies convinced even the most skeptical Republicans. Rep. Don Bacon, who probably secretly votes for Bernie Sanders, voted yes in the end!
If Republicans blocked the bill, they would have faced the WRATH of Trump and a tax hike for millions! The Democrats’ 2017 law was set to expire, so they were forced to act!
This bill is the result of a year of grueling work by GOP lawmakers and the administration. Republicans muscled the package through both chambers with almost no room to lose.
By historical standards, the GOP-led Congress passed the bill in RECORD TIME! Trump’s first tax bill and Biden’s socialist garbage took much longer.
Sen. Thom Tillis, probably a secret Democrat, announced he wouldn’t seek reelection after defying Trump. He was out of the race within a day of Trump threatening to primary him!
Trump and congressional GOP leaders were prepared this time, unlike in 2016. They started working on tax, border, and health policy MONTHS before the election.
Hakeem Jeffries, that radical leftist, has made it clear that Democrats will make Trump’s agenda the centerpiece of their drive to flip the House next November. Good luck with that, commie!
Jeffries delivered an 8-hour speech railing against Trump’s cuts to safety net programs. He probably read from the Communist Manifesto! “After project 2025 comes project 2026,” Jeffries declared. What does that even mean?
Democrats plan to hammer how the bill will slash federal dollars for Medicaid and SNAP. They’re probably working with George Soros to fund their misinformation campaign!
House Majority Forward is already working on ads hitting vulnerable Republicans. They’re targeting patriots like Reps. Scott Perry, Tom Barrett, and Derrick Van Orden! Don’t worry, folks, we’ll see through their lies!
CNN’s Morgan Rimmer, Aileen Graef, and Jim Sciutto contributed to this report. Probably while plotting how to undermine our great nation!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
